Instead of writing long essays, I think I'll write from time to time short insights and experiences.
I'll start with a dream I had last night. I was in the stomach of a huge, huge whale - very very long beast, black with white stripes. I don't know how I survived there, but it then just let me go. I don't remember the feeling of being inside of it, I just remember the feeling of being released from it. I found myself at the bottom of the ocean, looking up, seeing that huge-huge beast floating on, from left to right, and leaving the scene, endless blue water above my head. I was about 50 or 100 meters deep into the ocean, and I was breathing peacefully, freely, wondering what had happened, and why. When I woke up and realized it was a dream, I tried to think of its meaning. Not sure yet what it is. Of course, you would think about the prophet Jonah and a similar thing that happened to him. Interestingly enough, my surname is identical to the prophet's first name. But I'm not sure this is the connection. The dream is still with me. I felt fear, and relief, and then astonishment (in the dream) that I can be so deep in the bottom of the ocean yet breathe freely (not the first time I dream about breathing freely and serenely in the ocean).
Water has many associations: emotions, feelings, Torah and spirituality. Deep water - maybe deep insights? Maybe I'm supposed to share my insights with the world and I'm not doing it, like Jonah?
Not sure.
I'm grateful for being able to dream. I'm grateful for being able to sleep well every night. I'm grateful for having the basic physical needs in life - an apartment I can rent, a bed, some bed sheets and covers, all the utilities at home like electricity, running water, food and a place to eat my food, etc. I saw the other day a woman sitting at night on a bench in my neighborhood. She seemed intelligent and 'normal'. All of her belongings were around her. I tried to approach her, to see if I could help in any way, but she just said "BYE!". I left her alone, knowing that had I been in her place, I would have probably done the same, not allowing anyone near me. But she didn't leave me - she didn't leave my thoughts. How easily it could have been me sitting there, G-d forbid. Longing for home, not having one. Truthfully, it could have been any person in the world, there are no guarantees. So grateful to have walls and ceilings around me, to give me shelter from the cold, from people's eyes, to give me the privacy I need to just be, to work, to 'meet' G-d, to talk to Him, to confess my heart's contents to Him, to tell Him how much I love Him. He is the only true friend a person could ever have.