17th of Tammuz

So today was the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day in which we commemorate the breaching of the city walls of Jerusalem during the times of the Roman Empire. So no food or water for a whole day, during which you feel the longing for complete redemption, you feel the suffering, you feel the anguish. And when the fast is over and you drink your first glass of cold water, you get an inkling of a feeling of redemption - you can satiate your thirst, and your hunger, of course.
I usually have no problem fasting, but today I was very weak, and truly suffered. I watched many YouTube videos of the Megalim Institute about our history, including a demonstration of what the Holy Temple probably looked like, based on different texts, and the Bible, of course. It was beautiful and it took my mind of my personal suffering of the fast and focused it on the theme of the fast - on our national fate and history.
At some point today I was even sure I got the coronavirus - I had shivers, my eyes were wet and not from tears, I felt so tired. But now, after having eaten, I no longer think that I have the coronavirus.
This pandemic is raging here with approximately 1400 new carriers a day. You would think that it is because they are performing more tests, but I don't think this is the reason. The fact that the number of critically ill patients has risen dramatically is a testimony to the fact that the virus is truly spreading fast.
I am so looking forward to going to bed now, to rest after this difficult day, but I first need to give my stomach time to digest the vegetable soup I ate to break the fast. No complaints, though!
In three weeks from now we will have a bigger fast, that of Tish'a b'Av - to commemorate the actual destruction of the Temple. I already know how I would like to pass that day - with a lot of educational videos and praying. I wish the day would come soon that the Temple will be rebuilt and we won't have to fast anymore. I don't like fast days, especially Tish'a b'Av. It is such a melancholic day...
Anyway, and with these optimistic words I'll end this post.
Good night!