Liebestraum

I should have written this three or so weeks ago, when it happened, but had to let it soak-in, be absorbed by every capillary of my soul. I was with these impressions for a whole day, and then later as well, until today I realized I stopped thinking about it, and so perhaps it is time I can share it. 

It was three or so weeks ago, on the early morning hours of April 19th. I was fast asleep, enjoying a good night sleep, and then I found myself in this very interesting state of consciousness in which you sleep, you dream, but you are also somewhat awake, and your rational mind is aware of what's going on. I'm not sure what time it was, probably around 5 or 6 am in the morning, maybe later, I'm not sure. In this state of mind, I was aware that I was in my bedroom, aware that I was lying face down in my bed. I suddenly felt a presence, or should I write a Presence near me, next to my bed. I couldn't open my eyes, but I sensed that it was in the image of a young person. It reminded me a lot of someone I knew many-many years ago. It had his energy, his essence, but I don't think it was him. This figure stood by my bed, in the area between my bed and the closet, very close to me. My first instinct was to be scared, as I couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes and couldn't do anything, yet "it" was there. But I then reminded myself that this is probably a special state of consciousness, half a dream, and that nothing wrong is going to happen to me. I calmed down and just allowed myself to experience whatever it was that was going to unfold. That figure, that "person", then lay down on my bed next to me, close to the wall this time. I couldn't see him, as my face was directed the other way, away from the wall, and anyway, my eyes were closed and wouldn't open. But I felt him. He then remained "him", but it wasn't a person with a body. It was just spirit, just energy, just soul. This bodyless being then embraced me. It did so without a body. Just the energy, warm, pure, loving energy, engulfed me in such a whole, comforting way. I know it was strange, but I really felt that this energy was G-d. It was embracing me without hands or arms, without a body, yet I could feel its light pressure on my back and shoulders and it was so gentle, loving and comforting. Like when a parent hugs a sleeping child and tucks the blankets around him. It tucked the blankets around me with His energy. It then stopped and lay on my side. Without words I communicated to Him that I'd like Him to do this again. So He did. And it was heavenly, and then He stopped again. So I asked again, and this is how it went for a while. It was the most divine feeling on earth. Then, as it embraced me for the last time, it was hovering above me and it breathed out a little "cloud" of breath near my face - pure, crystal clear, just a tiny bit sapphire-like bluish cloud of breath, of energy, which I then breathed deep into myself. I felt like I was breathing the breath of G-d. I breathed it in as much as I could. It was the most comforting feeling ever. Just pure love. I didn't want to wake up from this 'dream'. When I finally did wake up, I stayed in bed for as long as I could to just soak-in this feeling, this love, this warmth and kindness. I felt this energy, this breath, circulating within my body and I didn't want to stop it. I then had to get up to work and I was thirsty. Yet, I was afraid to drink or eat anything. I was afraid that if I put water or food or any other tangible, material thing into my body, this elated spiritual feeling would vanish and I didn't want to lose it. But when I did drink - I realized that this feeling stayed, that it did not disappear. I was happy to learn that. The entire day after that I felt this energy flowing within me, I felt like I was in the seventh heaven or something, it was such a peaceful, calm, happy feeling. I'm pretty sure that what I experienced was the love of G-d. And it was just supreme. I wish I could experience it every night. 

Today I was reminded of this - and comforted myself with the memory of this 'dream'. I then felt I could write it here. And I did.