At the Hebrew U.

I'm so happy to be working and studying (all independently) today at the beloved campus of the Hebrew U. I have warm feelings about this campus, it feels like home to me, even though  it's been many years since I studied here. Of all the places in Jerusalem where I can work and study, this is my favorite by far. It is such a beautiful, special place. The air is filled with something so special, and I'm longing to be here when I'm not here. Part of the reason why I am happy that I moved from my previous neighborhood is that now this campus is a walking distance from where I live and I can come here often. I don't do it often, but when I do, it is always like coming home. I like the library a lot. I try not to sit when I work, because it is not healthy to sit all day, so I find myself a quiet corner between the shelves, a shelf with no books on, I place my books and PC there, and I work standing up. I feel much better doing it this way than sitting all day. When you sit all day you feel sluggish and tired, and your body becomes weak. I'm glad I found this corner with no books. It's perfect for my needs. It's on the fifth floor. 

The place that I like most about this campus, except for the library, is the synagogue, with the stunning views of the old city, with the special, relaxing, spiritual atmosphere. Oh, I sometimes want to sit there for hours, just breathe, just be, pray, meditate. Today I was there - I was all alone there, which was surprising, but perhaps it is because this is the summer vacation and most students and professors are not even here. So I took advantage of the situation and went to pray in front of the big window overlooking the Old City. It was great, really. Then, when I wanted to leave, I found out that the door is locked. Someone locked me in... I didn't panic. I found an open window, and walked out through it. I walked a bit on the roof and then found another open window. I walked in through it and found myself inside the building, but out of the synagogue - which means I managed to go out without any problem. 

When I was there, I also climbed up to the women's section and found some reading materials. I read them randomly, and there were precise messages for me. Exactly the things I needed to hear. Baruch Hashem. 

A new (?) name

 A couple of years ago I added the letter H to my family name, as the last letter in the name. I feel that this is the more precise way to write it in English in terms of rules of transliteration, and I like it better this way, because this letter is very airy and spiritual, and when I think of it, it has a pure, white image. I like that it is at the end of my name. Many years ago, when I wanted to open a Gmail account, my name as I used to write it back then was already taken, so I added h, reluctantly. I was upset, I regretted not opening an account sooner, before someone else had the chance to take "my" name as her address. It bothered me to have the h at the end, because I didn't write my name this way back then, but now I'm so happy it happened this way - now I have an address that reflects my name exactly as I want it to be, exactly as I use it professionally - with the letter H, which is also part of the holy name. 

Here is an example of something that I thought was bad - that someone else already took my "name" in Gmail - and it all happened for the best: I got the better address as a result of that. 

Shabbat shalom and Chodesh Tov!

A thought

I don't know what made me realize it. Perhaps meeting people who need prosthetic body parts to function. I then realized how every little piece of our body is something that cannot be measured in value. No amount of money could give a person a human leg like we are born with. No amount of money in the whole world could give anyone a human hand like we are born with. Or a human eye. Or a human ear. Or a human brain. Every little piece in our body is priceless, precious beyond any measure. 

And then the next thought comes to mind - if Hashem gives me such an incredible machine, that all the money in the world cannot buy, and He gives it to me for free... what does He want me to do with it? He didn't give it to me for nothing or just to enjoy my life going here and there. He didn't give it to me just to travel, eat, drink. What did he want me to do with this body, with this life? Why did He send me here, to this troubled world, with a body that is very sophisticated and so priceless? 

I'm not sure I have a new answer to this question. I've always thought that I have to use my time here to do acts of kindness. But is it enough? Is it all He wants of me? I sometimes feel like He is trying to push me to do some things for my own good as well. This week I finally listened. I took myself to the Netanya beach and swam in the sea after more than ten years (!!) that I haven't done so. I do not have a swimming suit. I took my PC and worked in a coffee shop on the beach, and then, when the sun was less crazy, I walked by the water and felt such a huge desire to jump in the water. But how could I do this... and then I saw a middle-aged man, dressed nicely in office clothes (buttoned shirt, nice trousers, etc.) - and he just walked into the water, with his beautiful long clothes, and was so happy, laughing out loud, etc. I felt like Hashem was using him to show me what to do. I find nice people to watch over my things, and tried it for the first time - walk into the water with a long skirt and a long sleeved shirt... I wasn't sure how it was going to work, but... it worked amazingly well. I realized I could do it any time I want, dressed up modestly as I am. I was floating in the water, like I like to do and haven't done forever. I felt the water was purifying me and I was being cleansed off years and years with all the redundant charge I accumulated in them. It was superb. I didn't care about later - how will my clothes dry, how will I sit in a bus with wet clothes, etc. I just felt Hashem was giving me the green light to do it, and I did. 

When I finally went out of the water and sat down dripping on a beach-chair, I was shocked to find out just how quickly my clothes stopped dripping and became only lightly moist. It was incredible. I want to do it every week now - go to the beach, swim as I am, dressed up and everything, and just enjoy this part of life as well. 

Last night I had an interesting dream. I was with a little girl and we saw a HUGE moon just next to us, bobbing up and down, disappearing and reappearing, always looking white, almost like it was made of white plastic, with many blue lakes dispersed all over it. We were shocked and astonished. Then, when I woke up, a friend sent me a "Happy new month!" greeting, and I realized that a new month (a new moon) is about to start this Shabbat. I'm sure the dream is somehow related to it, even though the thought has not occurred to me in the dream or in waking, until that message came from her. But what does the dream try to tell me about the coming month? That it is going to be so special, so big, so astonishing? I wait with anticipation to see if anything good is going to happen this month.