The tour with the people from Poland was a huge success. Much better than I could have hoped for or imagined. First, 10 people came, all musicians who came to perform in Israel. I expected a small group of people, and then was surprised to see all this big group coming. In addition to them, there were my two Israeli friends who came, so I had to speak to 12 people. I think it's the biggest group (of adults) I've ever given a Jerusalem tour to. In the past I gave some tours to young Jewish boys and girls who were on a Zionist tour of Israel, but it was different, because it was structured and I wasn't free to do everything I wanted. This time it was adults, and non-Jews, and a tour of my own design, not something that was dictated to me by some organization.
I was afraid that my voice will not hold up to the mission, but we had a warm, gorgeous day, and I found myself speaking without any problem, and feeling warm. It was good, after the week of cold that I had experienced.
I started by asking for how many of them it was the first visit to Israel. Four people raised their hands, and the rest said that the previous times they visited, they only visited the Old City. We were going to tour the newer parts of the city, so it was great. I then told them: Welcome to Jerusalem, the place on which the hearts, eyes and minds of the whole world are focused, the city that lives in the heart of every human being, the city in which Kind Saul, King David and King Solomon lived and walked. The area we will walk on is the same area in which they walked before us, so we will walk in their footsteps. In addition, the ancient stones that you see everywhere have been in Jerusalem forever, and have witnessed a lot of the glorious history of this city and of this nation". I looked at my two secular Israeli friends, to see how they react, and was surprised that they were totally in this. They were not cynical and didn't try to shift the focus to other things. When we started walking, the leader of the Polish group, Aleksandra, came to me and told me that they are so happy that I'm their guide, and another member of the group told me that my words come straight from my heart, and therefore it goes straight to their hearts. It was a great start. We then discussed who are the Jewish People, what was our beginning, with Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Judah, etc. Luckily, one of their group was named Jakob, so he was our "Jacob" whenever we discussed our roots. I reminded them of the fight Jacob had with the angel and the ensuing change of his name to "Israel". We visited some shop, and I showed them the Mezuzah on the doorpost, and then discussed also the Tefillin. We talked about the Menorah (the one with 7 candles and the one with 9 candles of Hanukkah). We saw the difference between Arab and Jewish neighborhoods - and we discussed the Torah commandment to plant trees in Israel, which we follow, and therefore our neighborhoods have many trees and are very green. We talked about Oskar Schindler who is buried on Mt. Zion, not far from King David's grave. We talked about the face of Jerusalem - all the buildings are white and many are covered with the "Jerusalem stone", which gives the city its unique appearance. We talked about the amazing, incredible history of the Jewish People, the miraculous return after 2000 years, the miraculous survival for 2000 years in diaspora, without a common land or a common language. We talked about the fact that nothing like this has ever happened in the history of the nations and can never happen, that it is unique to the People of Israel and that you can see G-d's hand in this. We talked about our National Anthem, HaTikvah, which I played for them on a recorder. They then gave us a show - they sang one of their songs for us when we were in Yemin Moshe, to the delight of passers-by. We talked about Moses Montefiori and his contribution to the rebuilding of Israel. We also talked about the German Templars who wanted to revive the land and live in it, but had to leave when the British took power. We talked about the miracle of the land, that was in desolation for 2000 of years, and started blooming and giving its fruit to the People of Israel when they began to return. It was very moving and emotional and I felt very very high after that. It was hard to "land" back down. I felt that I wish I had more chances to do that. The two Israeli friends were cooperative. Some times one of them felt compelled to give their own take on things, but they didn't contradict what I said. Both of them later told me very warm words on how the tour was conducted. Such days make my life worth living. Days like today, however, are less so. I'm at home, working alone, feeling intense longing for home. Looking to the future and not knowing what it harbors in its wings. Looking back and wishing I had done things differently, wishing I could change the past, wishing I had known back then what I know now, wishing I had used my opportunities properly. I wish Hashem had built the world in such a way that each of us could go back and change the past (as long as we do not hurt others in the process). It would have been so wonderful. The world could be close to Eutopia then. Perhaps we could get 3 chances of going back, and we could do it when we're old enough to know which episode we want to change. I know which episode in my life I would go back to and change. After making such a change, we could get two more trips back, to other times in our lives, if we want, so that there are no regrets and no looking back, only looking forward.
Once in my life I had this wish come true. I was in a horrible, horrible situation, and I prayed with all my heart that this was not really my reality, that this was just a dream. Everything was so real, I couldn't imagine it was a dream, but after praying so hard, I woke up and found out it was, in fact, just a dream. I felt so relieved, and I truly felt as if I was given a chance to relive my life and choose differently. Now I want to have the same again - to wake up and find this was just a dream, and that I can still choose differently and build a different life for myself, the way I've always wanted it to be. Hashem, may this be just a dream, then? May I have what I want in my 'real' life? If I pray hard enough, will I wake up again? And then I think about all the meaningful things I do, all the things I've done - and I know this life was not in vain, I did do some things that makes this life worth living.
Tomorrow a non-Jewish friend of mine from abroad will come to spend some of the Shabbat with me. She's already had a full Shabbat with me once, in my old apartment, and it was beautiful, she so enjoyed it, so she asked to come again. She will be my first guest in this new apartment. In the old apartment I hosted quite a lot and enjoyed it very much. Here I haven't yet, because I don't feel like home here so much. We'll see how it goes. Perhaps starting to host here will change my feeling about the place. I have no complaints about it, it just doesn't feel like home and the neighborhood doesn't feel like mine - it's American and Haredi. I miss Rechavia, where you can find people like me as well.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the winter and may the final redemption come soon, so each of us will be in our proper place, with the people we belong with and not among strangers.
Shabbat shalom,
Revital
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