Rosh HaShanah 2020

 So I woke up one day about a week or two ago from a dream that seemed SO real, but SO foreign to my 'real' life, my physical reality. In the dream I was sitting hunched over on a bed, all sweaty, struggling to breathe, feeling as if my airways are blocked, heatwaves washing all over me. It was so real, I remember how it felt. I felt so sick in the dream, it was true hell. 

And then I woke up and realized that none of this is my reality, thank G-d. When I woke up I wasn't sweating, and it was so natural and easy to breathe. Thank G-d, really! I then realized that what I experienced in my dream was probably similar to what many serious coronavirus patients experience. It just occurred to me that I dreamed what it is to be seriously sick with corona. It was really bad. 

I'm thinking a lot about the meaning of this pandemic - what does G-d want of us, what is He trying to tell us, to convey to us. I still do not have a definite answer, I do not think that anybody has. But - we can guess and conjecture. So my guess is that it causes people to stop worshiping their "gods of gold and silver" and turn to G-d. That is, people have lost their jobs, their financial security, their health - everything they used to take for granted, everything they thought they had control over. It is like the rug was pulled away from under their feet and they stay floating in the air, with nothing tangible to hold onto. So the only thing left for them to do is to cling to G-d. 

And why is that? Why now of all times?

I think that any moment in time is the right moment in time for humanity to rediscover G-d, but I think that perhaps it is happening now because G-d is preparing something really good and great for humanity to enjoy - and He wants us to be ready for that, to be prepared for that, to make "vessels" for that - to be able to absorb the blessings. 

What do I mean?

I'll start with an example. In the 1967 Six-Day-War we experienced a miracle greater than any (I say "we" even though my soul was not living in a body on this earth at that time, but I feel as if this miracle happened to me too). A tiny nation of recent immigrants and holocaust survivors prevailed in a war against mighty Arab armies determined to annihilate it. G-d's hand was truly visible in it. BUT - many of the people here attributed this miraculous victory to... themselves. To the IDF. To luck. To anything but G-d. It started a time of hubris, of excessive pride and arrogance. We had no "vessels" to absorb the blessing that G-d gave us. And we spilled it. Soon, few years later, a horrible war started, the 1973 Yom Kippur War, in which my father was badly wounded and a few years later died. Too many soldiers lost their lives or were badly wounded. This was the result. Had we acknowledged as a nation that the huge miracle of 1967 was truly from G-d, we would not have given the key to the Temple Mount to the Muslims (Moshe Dayan did this and I'm sure his soul is in deep grief over it now, wherever it is) and we wouldn't have done other wrong political decisions. Anyway - so G-d wanted to give us something great, but we were not prepared, and as a result, we lost it. 

Back to our days - G-d wants to give us something great, but we have to acknowledge that it is all Him, not us, who do it. We have recently witnessed the unbelievable development in international relations in which Arab countries like Qatar and Bahrein signed peace contracts with Israel and are soon going to open their embassies here. Other Muslim countries expressed interest (I heard that Sudan and Tunisia are on their ways to sign). It is absolutely incredible. The vision of a true, complete peace that we've carried in our hearts for ever is soon to be materialized, but are we ready for it? Are we going to thank G-d for it or attribute it to ourselves, to Bibi, to chance? 

I feel that by sending us the coronavirus, G-d is knocking on our door, the door of our hearts, and asking us to acknowledge Him and His doing, so that when all the good that He plans for us (and for the world) will materialize, we will have our "vessels" ready to receive it. We will be able to play our part in the vision of the final redemption. 

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This Rosh Hashana Israel was under lock-down. And yet, I managed to find myself in the most amazing place in the world. We were not allowed to visit family or friends if they didn't live within 1 km from us, so most people stayed at home, which was the intention of the lockdown. I visited an old, 95 year old lady in a Haredi neighborhood who lives about 1 km from where I live. Her family couldn't be with her because they live far away and they didn't want to leave her alone, she needs people with her. So I stayed with her for the two days of Rosh HaShanah. I didn't know any synagogues in her neighborhood, so as I was walking out, trying to find a place to pray, I saw a young woman with a prayer book in her hand. I naturally followed her, assuming that she was going to a synagogue. I thought she would walk just one block or two but she was walking on and on, and it allowed me to see parts of that neighborhood that I had never seen before. I grew curious and decided to go all the way to the synagogue she was going to, no matter how far, and enjoy seeing the unfamiliar streets. After what I think was two kilometers or so, she turned right, and I turned right after her. She turned right again and went into... a residential building... not to a synagogue... All this walk - for nothing... or so I thought. I quickly found a synagogue near by and prayed. 

The following day, I was still staying with that old lady in that same Haredi neighborhood - I went out and found a synagogue near her home, but it didn't have the right atmosphere for me, so I left and looked for another synagogue. I started walking that same road that the young lady walked the previous night and got curious to walk even further and explore other parts of the neighborhood. As I did so, I realized that I was very close to road no. 1 that if I follow it, will take me to the Western Wall. In a moment of adventurous mood and a desire to leave that Haredi atmosphere in favor of something that is more 'mine', more my type of Jerusalem - I decided to walk to the Kotel. The walk was so amazing - the streets were empty, and I was able to absorb some of the holiday atmosphere. I knew that I would meet police people who will ask me where I live and will judge what to do with me based on that, but I decided it is worth the risk. I reached the area before the Jaffa Gate. The gate was locked - I think it's the first time that I see it locked. But there was an entrance way and I walked in. 

Sure enough, a policeman asked me where I was going and I said the Kotel. He asked me where I lived. If I had told him my address, they wouldn't allow me to go, and may even fine me. So I said the truth - that I'm not coming from my home, that I'm visiting an old lady who has some dementia on Shmuel Hanavi St., and that I wanted to pray at the Kotel. He asked me where that street was. Gladly, he wasn't from Jerusalem, so he didn't know it was more than 1 km away. I pointed to the direction where it was. He didn't bother checking the distance online. I saw that he was looking at me, realizing that I'm 'a good girl' kind of person, and just allowed me in. That was it. I was SO happy! I walked to the Kotel through the Jewish Quarter, to absorb more and more of the sanctity and holiday atmosphere and was elated when I arrived at the Kotel. There were very few people and the area just before it was divided into small chambers, but I was privileged to be near the stones, have them all for myself and pray. I was so so happy and felt so privileged, as if HaShem welcomed me into His home. I just spread my arms and "hugged" the stones for a long time, leaning my face, my body against them, trying to absorb whatever sanctity I could through them. The shofar was blowing from the men's section and later form nearby balconies. Birds were flying above my head. It was so magical. A few other people were there as well and I wondered what did I do to merit being there then, and what did they do to merit it. It felt very special. After absorbing the energy and holiday atmosphere there, I started praying, and it was so wonderful. It gave me so much energy. I was reluctant to go back to the Haredi neighborhood but I knew she was waiting for me, so after 2 or so hours I left. 

So - the young lady who was walking in the Haredi neighborhood the previous day and unknowingly guided me to a certain part of her neighborhood served as an unaware messenger of G-d to show me the way to get closer to the Kotel. It is thanks to her that I went to the Kotel and had the most elating experience which redeemed the holiday for me. Sometimes people do not know how they affect other people by just existing in the world, by just walking from place A to place B, by just being. Thanks to her going to a residential building in her neighborhood, I merited to go to the Kotel under lockdown in Rosh HaShanah. I find this very powerful. We have no idea how simple things we do affect other people. 

Anyway, may this be a good, happy year for all. May we merit to live the full redemption soon!

Shana Tova,

R.