In the field...

So my day of work in the fields near Gaza is over. It was a nice, interesting experience, but the best part of it was when I went off the bus tonight and found myself in Jerusalem. Oh, the air here - I need it like oxygen. The air here is like the air in no other place. I felt embraced by a Presence, and thanked Hashem in my heart for the huge privilege to be living here, however partial and lacking this 'life' is. It is funny. On my way to the south, I told myself that if I like it, perhaps I can even stay there for several days, perhaps even weeks or months. But after just one day, coming back here to my holy, beautiful city, makes me feel like it is not a good idea to leave it. Not even for volunteering in the south. So now I am already after shower, drinking hot tea and eating dates and nuts. Yummy. Grateful!

I woke up before 6 am, said my morning prayers, ate some pita bread with hummus and went out with the farmer to the field. He said that the houses we see a couple of km away are the houses of Kibbutz Be'eri... We were the first in the field, with one Thai worker. Later another Thai worker came. So now I know that not all of the Thai workers left. Most of them did, but not all of them. This specific farmer used to have 9 or 10 Thais, but now he has only 3. In the nearby moshav the Arabs butchered 16 Thai workers, not 40 as I wrote last time. Still, 16 people who are not even Jewish and who have nothing to do with the reasons Arabs hate us, and they pay with their lives... I feel so sorry for their families. 

Anyway, we picked celery today, not beets. I took off my shoes and worked barefoot the whole day, enjoying the feel of the wet soil under my feet. It is very healthy! We worked for 8 hours. There was no toilet there, so I made an effort to drink very little water, so as not to need the bathroom. I'm a heavy drinker of water. Every morning I drink one litter or more. It was hard not to drink, but I was too busy to think about it.

Later, 4 more volunteers joined us, all older than me: one university professor (national religious man), his friend, and two foreign ladies, one of them came especially from Europe for a week to volunteer in Israel. There was some nice chit-chat between us as we were working, and some times of quiet when each was focused on the work and on their inner world. We each received a knife and taught how to cut and clean. Of course (of course!) I cut my hands several times. If I ever volunteer in fields again, I should remember to take gloves. I was bleeding, but the wounds were very superficial, so not a lot of blood. Anyway, I let two drops of my blood fall to the earth. I thought that it is a symbolic act - in the region where blood was spilled in a cruel, barbaric way by the Arabs, the soil gets two drops of blood from the exact opposite pole - as a result of a charitable act, an act whose purpose is to help and build, not to murder and destroy. 

We didn't hear the news for the whole day, but we didn't have to. The news were audible from nearby Gaza. I knew there was supposed to be a ceasefire around 10 am, but the bombing continued. We learned to ignore the booms.  

We were supposed to stop working after 6 hours, but I felt I wanted to work more, because I don't know if and when the next time would be. After 8 hours, my hands were black with mud, even under the fingernails. It took a lot of water to partially clean it, and then some soap. My feet were covered with mud. My clothes were covered with mud. I felt I couldn't go back to "civilization" like this. I took a shower in the family's house,  changed my clothes, ate another pita, drank some tea, fell asleep exhausted beyond measure on their sofa (again, no one was in the house...) until their son came to take me to the nearby city, to the bus going to Jerusalem. 

So glad to be home. And yes, we did a lot of work and this makes me happy too. 

5 kms from the border

 I'm sitting now in a big, beautiful house in a Moshav around 5 kms from the border with the Gaza strip. I "landed" here about 40 minutes ago. I took the bus from Jerusalem, and a family from this Moshav came to take me from there. This family's next-door neighbors and good friends need volunteers to work in agriculture. I saw the ad they posted, answered it, and decided to come here for one day, tomorrow. Since they start working in the fields very early, and the first bus from Jerusalem will only bring me here 3 hours later than the start of work, I decided to come here tonight, sleep here and start working with them in the fields early, at the same time they do. 

Their neighbors brought me to their house, but the house is empty, no body is here. Their door was open. Their neighbors pleaded me to stay with them until the farmer's family is back, but I really prefer being here, relaxing, reading some and writing. It is very late in the evening (11 pm as I write these lines) and I know they must be very tired. I don't want to burden them. 

The farmer is asking for volunteers, because all of their Thai workers, who used to work in the fields here, fled. The reason is the Simchat Torah massacre, of course. In the nearby Moshav, just 2 kms away from here, the Arabs from Gaza butchered around 40 Thai workers, so no foreign worker wants to work here. But if the farmers here lose their farms, they won't be able to stay here, therefore it is very important to help them. It is my first time. Many Israelis have done this many days already since the massacre. I'll see how it goes and see whether I can do it again or not. The last time I volunteered in agriculture was at the age of 16 and 17, in a kibbutz near Eilat, where I picked mangoes and worked in the dairy industry. It would be nice to experience it again, this time as an adult. 

Just as we arrived in the Moshav, the farmer's neighbors, who were bringing me here, asked me in to their home. A nice family. They pleaded me to stay with them, but I really preferred to let them be, let them rest. So they walked me to the farmer's house. And the farmer is not here. The  house is empty... As they were walking me to the farmer's house, I heard a big "boom". They seemed to not hear it. Then there was an even bigger "boom". I asked them in alarm what it is. They said off handedly, "Oh, that?", as if they didn't even notice it. "Don't worry about it. This is the IDF bombing, don't worry". I asked, "but you hear it so loudly from here?", and they replied: "yes, we are just 5 kms from the border". 

So now I'm sitting in the farmer's house. His daughter called me to say that they will be back late. Their neighbor showed me my room in the house (sort of a separate unit), but I prefer to sit in the livingroom and write. Such a nice house. As I write, I hear those big "booms" again and again, and every time, the window glasses here shake fiercely. But since it's been almost an hour that I'm here, I noticed that I notice them less and less now. I learn to ignore them. Soon I won't even "hear" them. 

In the couch next to me there is a book, "A Jewish Community in Gaza", "קהילה יהודית בעזה", a book released in 2020 by Hagai Hobermann. I really want to read it. It details the history of Jewish presence and life in Gaza. Our soldiers found a Torah scroll in Gaza, that was passed down the generations in one of the families there. I'm not sure what was the history of that Torah scroll. But there was a big Jewish community in Gaza until the massacres and pogroms of 1929, and it stayed there ever since, I believe. 

Anyway, I'll go to sleep, I have a hard work day tomorrow, in the fields, picking beets :)

I'll update here later how it went. 

Pray for us. 

Changes

The university, in which up until Oct. 7th the walls were covered with signs and ads against the government (and against 60% of our nation), is now empty. The library was closed for a long time, but they reopened it, partially, last week or so. So I go there once every few days. I'm amazed at how now, instead of those inciting signs, the university is covered with flags, Israel flags. It is so moving to see. The flags are hanging on windows, on doors, on ad boards, really everywhere. I only hope that this spirit will continue even when the students return, when the school year starts. 

Because of the war, they postponed the beginning of the school year 3 times already, every time in a few more weeks. Now they're thinking of canceling the first semester and having a summer semester instead. The reason? So many of the students (and also some of the teachers) are now soldiers fighting in Gaza. 

I'm not directly related to the university now. I can go in because I once studied and taught there. And for me it is home. I like it when the campus is almost empty and that I can sit quietly at the library and study or work or look out the big windows at the views of Jerusalem and dream. I like walking the corridors. Souls from the past are still there in so many ways, and when I'm there, I feel like I'm coming home. I feel like I myself am almost like ghost, walking there, looking for my younger self there, perhaps wanting to help her, direct and guide her. But she is not there, neither is the soul whose presence I feel everywhere there. She is within me, and so is that soul. But they are not there in body. Wouldn't it have been nice if we could go back in time just as we can go back in space to places that were meaningful to us and either change things or just watch or experience some scenes over and over again?

Anyway, regardless of this, I felt at home in that campus the first time I ever set foot there, many years ago. It felt like home from the first moment. Why? Who knows? There is something so special there, so lofty and spiritual. It is ironic, because the lecturers and most of the students are as far as can be from spiritual life. So it is not about them. It is about the place. It feels as if there is something holy there. Something peaceful, beautiful, mysterious. What is it? Why is it? I have no idea. But I was attracted to it since the first time I went there. 

It started raining a couple of hours ago, very heavy rain, strong winds. I love this weather. It is the closest to home I can feel. There's nothing better than sitting at home with a hot cup of tea, secure from the elements, and hearing the sounds of winter outside. I love it. And again. So many reminders of our hostages and soldiers. Do they have this luxury? I thank every soldier out there who fights so that I and all the others (minus the 240 hostages and 1400 victims of murder) will be able to have a warm cup of tea at our homes. 

I'll pray for them and read the Psalms for them later tonight, Bli neder. 

Some additional thoughts

זמר נוגה

מילים: רחל

לחן: שמוליק קראוס

הֲתִשְׁמַע קוֹלִי, רְחוֹקִי שֶׁלִּי,
הֲתִשְׁמַע קוֹלִי, בַּאֲשֶׁר הִנְּךָ –
קוֹל קוֹרֵא בְּעֹז, קוֹל בּוֹכֶה בִּדְמִי
וּמֵעַל לַזְּמַן מְצַוֶּה בְּרָכָה?

תֵּבֵל זוֹ רַבָּה וּדְרָכִים בָּה רָב.
נִפְגָּשׁוֹת לְדַק, נִפְרָדוֹת לָעַד.
מְבַקֵּשׁ אָדָם, אַךְ כּוֹשְׁלוֹת רַגְלָיו,
לֹא יוּכַל לִמְצֹא אֶת אֲשֶׁר אָבַד.

אַחֲרוֹן יָמַי כְּבָר קָרוֹב אוּלַי,
כְּבָר קָרוֹב הַיּוֹם שֶׁל דִּמְעוֹת פְּרִידָה,
אֲחַכֶּה לְךָ עַד יִכְבּוּ חַיַּי,
כְּחַכּוֹת רָחֵל לְדוֹדָהּ.

Kislev and guilt

So today is the beginning of a new month, the month of Kislev. It is a month during which we expect rain, it is a month in which we expect more light. The festival of Hannukah takes place in Kislev.

Now, just as I'm writing these lines, rain has started falling. It makes me happy. Rain feels like home to me. There is nothing better in the world than to be sitting at home, with a cup of hot tea in the hand, a book (or a computer to write on) in hand, and the sounds and sights of rain falling all around. I thank Hashem for the rain. We've been praying for it. We don't want the rain to fall on our soldiers in the south, only where they are not situated, but I think it falls also in the "Gaza envelope". 

I've realized that for the past month or so, since Oct. 7th, since Simchat Torah, my body tells me that I'm affected by the situation more than my mind would confess. Innocent objects that I see on the street make my heart miss a beat and when I think of this physical reaction, I realize it is because these objects remind me of things from that day. For example, seeing a young Haredi man riding an electric bicycle caused this reaction in me. A second later I realized that this image reminded me of the terrorists on motorcycles, taking civilians of all ages hostages into Gaza. A white tender gives me the same reaction, for the same reasons. Today I was riding home on the light rail, and saw a shade above a play ground. The shade reminded me of the tent that was in that crazy party near Kibbutz Re'im, and made my heart miss a beat. Many things like this still happen and I realize that the trauma is still there. My mind is already thinking forward, but my body reminds me that the trauma is still inside of me. Probably for a long time from now on as well. 

I feel guilty. Why was I spared. After all, it could have been anyone of us. Why am I alive when young children, babies and people in their early 20's are either dead, injured or kidnapped, G-d forbid. I feel guilty because I feel I don't do enough. I don't fight in the battle field, while young soldiers barely 20 years old lose their young lives there. I feel guilty because I don't do enough volunteering. I try. But whenever a message is posted that they need volunteers for this or for that, and I answer, they say they're already full. People are volunteering in masses, and there's no more need in more hands. I feel guilty because recently I started listening to music again. I didn't for a long while after the mass massacre. I couldn't. And now I suddenly find myself listening to music, while the dead bodies of those who were murdered slowly decay in their graves. I feel guilty because I feel anger at those brethren of mine, Jews, Israeli citizens like myself, who oppose a Jewish identity for my country and instead want it to be another nation like all other nations. I am furious at them at the same time that my heart is breaking for them. I pray for them. Am I doing enough? I want to live to be 120 and serve G-d. I hope it will happen. 

I feel guilty because I find a voice in me, who tells those who speak the language of "peace" (the kind of "peace" that means giving away our lands to another nation) - "now you see? now you realize the truth?". A lady, one of the activists of such organizations working for this kind of submissive "peace", was found dead today. Until now they thought she was captive in Gaza, but today they managed to identify her body, more than one month after her death by the hands of those to whom she wanted to give our sacred lands. I feel guilty for telling her in my heart, "Are these the people you wanted to give our lands to?". I want peace, more than anything else. I pray for peace. But peace should be for peace, not for giving away our G-d given land. 

And if you think that Gaza is not included in the area that G-d has given us, think again. This week's portion is that of Toldot. In it we read how Isaac goes down to the area of Gerar, where the Philistine king, Avimelech, lives. It is more or less the area near Gaza. G-d is revealed to Isaac and tells him: "גּוּר בָּאָרֶץ הַזֹּאת וְאֶהְיֶה עִמְּךָ וַאֲבָרְכֶךָּ כִּי לְךָ וּלְזַרְעֲךָ אֶתֵּן אֶת כָּל הָאֲרָצֹת הָאֵל וַהֲקִמֹתִי אֶת הַשְּׁבֻעָה אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּעְתִּי לְאַבְרָהָם אָבִיךָ. In English: "Sojourn in this land, and I will be with you and will bless you, for to you and to your offspring I will give all these lands, and I will establish the oath that I swore to Abraham your father." (Genesis 26: 3). We are not entitled to give away any lands to other nations, and especially not to our enemies. 

I don't feel guilty for what the IDF is doing in Gaza now. It is clearing the northern part of the Gaza strip. It allows a humanitarian corridor and pleads civilians to pass through it and go to the south. Hamas makes it difficult for them to actually go south. I feel sorry for them, but the guilt is on Hamas. We have no other choice. We don't want another massacre. Plus, many of them support Hamas and celebrate their "success" in massacring Jews. They teach their children to hate, to want to be murderers. I feel sorry for these children, but the terrorists who performed the horrible massacre, who killed, wounded, raped, took hostages, were themselves kids just 20 years ago. We felt sorry for them back then, we tried to spare their lives when we fought in Gaza, and the cost is now the lives of our children, women, soldiers, and elderly people, those who constantly chant "peace, peace"... 

 I feel guilty for not thanking G-d enough for the beautiful land He has given us and for all the incredible miracles He has performed for us. I love Hashem more than anything in the world. He is my rock and my shelter, my best friend. He knows me much better than I know myself. 

I'll write more.

October 7th - some more...

The massacre of October 7th was not the end of it. It was just the beginning. There is a war now, and soldiers give their lives for the war effort. It is tragic that such fine, young lives are lost. More and more families join the circle of bereavement. But that's not the end of it. We get missiles from the south and from the north. People are evacuated from these areas and are currently lodged in hotels in Jerusalem and other areas on the government's expense. It is 'funny' (however inadequate this word is) to see 5 star luxurious hotels with many dogs in the lobby (yes, the people who were evacuated brought their pets with them, obviously). These people are lodged in very expensive hotels, for free - they are being fed hotel food three times a day. The hotels bring them lecturers, singers and other performers to entertain them. And still, they are uncomfortable. All they want is to go back home. One can understand. It's been 5 weeks already that they've been in hotels. It may be nice for a couple of days, but when it lingers on and on with no specific date in which it is to end, it becomes difficult. 

There are many volunteering intiatives all over Israeli society. People volunteer for everything. Because of the situation, the Thai and Chinese workers, who worked in the fields in Israel, ran away from Israel, and the farmers were left without working hands. Many Israelis from all ages and backgrounds now volunteer to work in the fields. It's been 5 weeks, and there are so many volunteers still. Others volunteer to work with the children of the evacuees from the south, who lodge in hotels. They volunteer to play with them, to teach them, to entertain them. Still others volunteer to organize sweets and snacks and fancy foods and bring it to the soldiers. In the supermarkets there are carts with a sign saying "everything you put here will go to our soldiers in the south" and people leave dry foods there before they exit the supermarket. There were even volunteers to bring the pets who were left behind in the south to their owners in hotels in Jerusalem and other parts of the country. One sweet initiative was to get guitars from civilians and send them to army bases in the south. Over 20 years ago, friends of a friend of mine, a couple with a baby, gave me their guitar before leaving Israel for their country. I had the guitar with me ever since. But I felt that a better use for it would be to donate it to the soldiers in the south, and so I did. It feels great to know that it now brings joy and increases the morale of our soldiers down south. 

I feel like I want to do more, to be more meaningful. I can't go south and fight. But I read the Psalms a lot. Many Psalms seem to speak of our situation, especially 83, 79, but not only. Sometimes I feel like this is the beginning of something much larger. I hope it isn't. The prophets speak about the Gog and Magog war, and the more I learn about it, the more I realize Magog may be Russia. They say that Putin was involved in planning and orchestrating the deadly attack on Israel in the south, but I don't know it for a fact. Time will tell, perhaps. It is interesting, perhaps just a coincidece (?) that Putin's birthday is on October 7th. Anyway, it is obvious that Iran is involved in the planning, so in this sense, the beginning of this war may be considered to be in the north... 

There is so much antisemitism world-wide. Strange. If such a massacre had happened in London or Paris from a nearby town, they would have done what needs to be done and the world would have said nothing. When Israel is involved, the standards of judgement shift radically. Hypocrisy at its best. But it is exactly such situations that serve as "tests", to see for every person where their heart is, if it is in the right place, or the wrong place. In a way people who judge us unfavorably in our times of trouble, bring judgement upon themselves. This is a time of a big test for all of humanity.

antisemitism - beirur

Gog? Putin?

October 7th - part 2

On that day I was watching a baby at a hospital. His parents wanted to celebrate shabbat/holiday with their other children, and they needed someone to watch him while they were away. The baby has a very beautiful, but untypical name: Be'eri. It is an uncommon name. 

Shabbat morning I woke up to the sound of a siren. The first thought was, oh, it is probably a mistake, some problem with the siren system. Then someone from an adjacent room shouted: It is an alarm siren (אזעקה עולה ויורדת)! We were all surprised. After saying my morning prayers, I took the baby to my lap and we sat together, as an unrelenting sequence of sirens sounded. I felt serene and peaceful. I was not afraid. And then we heard a big boom, and the glass windows shook. And then another big boom. It was strong and felt very close. Still, I told myself that Hashem is watching - if He wants me to be hurt, I will be. If He doesn't, I will be safe. I gave myself to Him and His will. I listened to the instructions of the hospital staff. Very ironically, most of them were Arab nurses. The male nurse in charge of my room told me that I can go into the safe room. I declined. He excused himself and went into the safe room himself. The next time a siren sounded, it was the same scenario - he came and said I should go to the safe room. But what about the baby, I asked (the baby was connected to a breathing machine and I couldn't take him with me). The nurse went away to consult the staff, then returned and said that they will bring all the patients into the safe room as well. So we all gathered in the crowded safe room, for hours and hours until the end of Shabbat. 

Since I don't use my phone on Shabbat, I had no idea what was going on, but from what the nurse told me, I realized it was something different than usual. Still, I had no idea just how much so. Another nurse, a Jewish lady, was obviously heart broken. She said she didn't want to ruin my Shabbat, so she'll tell me when Shabbat was over. I had no idea what was going on. It was horrible beyond description. Unbelievable atrocities that no human being could ever accept. 

Later, when I learned more of what had happened, I realized that one of the kibbutzim that was ruined was... Be'eri. An interesting coincidence. What was Hashem trying to tell me then? Just as the kibbutz by that name was being destroyed and its inhabitants, including its babies, were murdered, I was watching a baby by the same unusual, rare name, cradling him in my arms, in Jerusalem. I still wonder what the message was, if any. 

Kfar Aza is another kibbutz that was ruined by the murderous Ishmaelites from Gaza. As a 9 year old child, I visited that kibbutz once. I remember it as a beautiful paradise, very green, blooming, sweet, warm place. That kibbutz remained in my memory as a charming, magical place. I always wanted to visit there again, this time as an adult, but haven't. And now it is destroyed. 

It was so ironic to be surrounded by Arab nurses as that was unfolding, and a baby named Be'eri in my arms... The Arabs in the South were murdering babies in Kibbutz Be'eri, and the Arabs around me were taking care of little Be'eri. And I myself am a native of that part of Israel, in the south. The community where I grew up is a mere 14 km away from Gaza... and it still feels like home to me. I'm attracted to that part of Israel. 

After Shabbat was over and the horror became known to me, I felt I wasn't ready to go out to the empty streets and experience the shock. So I stayed one more night at the hospital, with the baby, to his mother's relief. I left only Sunday early afternoon, when another volunteer came to replace me. 

The streets were almost completely empty. The stores were closed. There were very few buses running. There was a mournful silence everywhere. The pain was immense. It felt as if Hashem was hiding His face from us and it was scary. I myself felt engulfed by Him, even on that Shabbat as the sirens were going off and the booms were sounding. This is why I felt no fear. But when I found out what had happened, my heart was shuttered and my sense of reality changed. I felt like we were in danger of losing our country, G-d forbid. 

I suddenly realized in a very visceral way how grateful I was for having this country, and for every day of quiet and safety that Hashem has given us. I was praying fervently that Hashem should redeem us and shine His light upon us once again. What triggered the attack was His fury, and I think many of us here in Israel agree as to why, as to what triggered his fury - a year of baseless hatred to Judaism, to Torah, to religious Jews of all kinds and types. But it made all of us realize in a very real way how every day we survive here, in this Arab region of the world (the Middle East), is a big miracle. I knew it before, of course, but this time I felt it in a very personal way. 

The horror also reminded me of a nocturnal dream that I had had as a student in the dorms. I think I wrote about it here some time long ago. It was a dream I still remember very well. The Arabs living in Israel (not in Gaza) were attacking us from every corner, putting everything to ruins, and I was thinking to myself in alarm, as I was hiding behind a paper recycling bin (or was it a big trash bin?) "they are all over us" (הם עולים עלינו!). I still remember seeing someone around 30 or 40 meters in front of me shouting, running and throwing a block as I was hiding. I think I was one of the only survivors in that dream, which felt so real. I really pray it won't come to that. Israel is a dream country, a dream land, such a beautiful, special place. It would be a cruel tragedy if the forces of destruction will put it to ruins. I believe the kibbutzim in the south will be rebuilt and made even prettier than they were, if prettier is even possible. I think the original population will not want to live there. They suffered tragedy and they are not ideologically motivated enough (they are the kind of people who believe in giving away land for peace - the kind of people who were happy when the disengagement plan from Gaza was executed). I think that the people who will live there now will be national religious young families, who believe in our right to inherit this land. They are ideologically motivated. 

I want to be engaged in my research, but listening to the radio or tv news on my computer takes up a lot of my time now. I feel a need to hear the stories, to watch the people who survived talking. 

A friend from abroad sent me a gruesome video with graphic pictures from the massacre. This was what the title of the video link said. I didn't open it. I couldn't. Just the thought that such images are now all over the world and that people satiate their curiosity with them... It is disheartening. 

I have a lot more to say, but maybe later. 

 

7th of October 2023 - a heart shutter - PART 1

I wanted to write long ago. Here I am.

I teach Torah classes near where I live, to a group of elderly women (and a couple of men too). Sometime in September, I talked about the Yom Kippur war (the war in which my father fought and was badly injured - an injury that eventually killed him, years later, an injury that has affected my life even though I was not even born back then). What I said in that shiur is that I believe that the terrible Yom Kippur war (1973) happened because of our arrogance. Six years earlier, in 1967, there was the famed Six Day War, in which tiny Israel, a nation that was just born by some holocaust survivors and Jewish immigrants from Arab countries, was in war with great and mighty Arab armies, merciless armies who had one goal in mind - annihilate the Jewish state. No one gave us a chance. Not even we did. I was told that back then, people told wryly to each other that when we are defeated and all killed (when, not if), the last one to survive should turn off the lights. It was a dark, dry joke that showed how hopeless everybody was. But - G-d had a different plan. He was fighting for us, and the incredible thing happened - in just six days, we won all the armies that fought against us, and not only that, we released East Jerusalem, and tripled the size of our country. I was told that people all over the world were recognizing G-d's hand in this. There was no other explanation for such a victory. We fought six mighty armies and military delegations (from Syria, Egypt, Jordan, Iraq, Lebanon and Saudi Arabia) and won against every possible odd. 

And then what happened? While some of us acknowledged the great miracle and praised Hashem for it, others didn't. Some voices cried "The IDF is great! The IDF did it!". Some of our leaders "gallantly" gave away parts of the released territories to the Arabs, as if it was their own land to give, not our G-d given land. We were so proud of ourselves. Not enough voices thanked Hashem for long for this incredible miracle and salvation. 

And then what happened? Six years later, a year for every day of the war, a year for every country that fought us in that war, the self-proclaimed "great" Israeli army was caught unprepared and the Yom Kippur war broke. It was very painful. Our intelligence corps and our leaders failed to see the signs for what they were, reached the wrong conclusion, and we were beaten painfully. I myself suffer from the results of that war till today - I practically grew up without a father for most of my childhood as a result, and this has affected my life in a negative way. 

We were proud and arrogant, and God showed us that without Him, we are nothing. This was what I told my group of old ladies in September this year. I felt the message was very relevant because of the increasing arrogance in our society again. I had no idea what was coming just a couple of weeks later. All I knew was that large segments of our society fight the Jewish identity of Israel, fight Judaism, fight the Torah, fight God. Arrogance. Their fear has been that Israel will be a religious state. But this is what Israel should be. This is what Hashem chose us for. And they fight it with all their might. After October 7th, when the IDF captured a Hamas terrorist and interrogated him, he said that what encouraged them to do it was those voices and the unrelenting protests of the left wing within Israel. It was not a surprise to hear it, but it was heart rending. How cruel. Sure enough, when the war broke, they drafted immediately into the army to fight - but what a dear price we paid! The most horrible attack we've ever ever known. 

Oct. 7th was Hashem's hiding his face momentarily from us. To show us what we are worth without him. To show us what our intelligence corps is worth without him, what the Iron Dome anti-missile system is worth without him, what is our army (and police, and Mossad, and Shabbaq) worth without him - not much. Without G-d, we are nothing. Our victories are all from Him. 

I will write more about it and also about my experiences from that Shabbat and more. Stay tuned. I'm available by email as well, if you'd like to write by any improbable chance. 

Yours,

R.

And yet another embrace

To follow up on my latest post here: I was going through some tough days, feeling like my heart was smashed to pieces because of what I perceived as my professional failure in something I knew I was good at. I told Hashem in my heart that I knew this was no coincidence and that I knew that this was His way of leading me away from that place somewhere else. I asked Him in my heart that if this was truly so, if all of this was just His way of trying to turn me away from a certain place and a certain side-occupation, then please may He right the wrongs, to make me feel better about this, and in return, I'll try to remember His message, His guidance, and turn away from there, even if everything turns right after all. And remarkably, everything did turn right, after all... another embrace from Hashem.

Shortly after my self-perceived "failure", and very shortly after my prayer, I received a surprise WhatsApp message from a colleague, asking me to do things in that side-occupation of mine, basically showing me a vote of confidence. I was shocked. I was sure I would never hear from her or from other colleagues again or ever be invited again to work for them, but I was wrong. It seems like all the big storm that has occurred, occurred only in my heart, not in anyone else's perception. I expect a lot of myself, and I wrongly believe that others measure me up to the same yardstick, but this is not so. Later, I received another invitation from another colleague, to come and work and do things for them, which again shocked me. It seems all the 'failure' business I was experiencing in my mind left no impression on them whatsoever. Perhaps I was the only one experiencing this as failure. It was a huge, huge relief to know that I didn't fail in their eyes. I did in mine, and I'll learn from this for sure, but objectively, these people did not see it as a failure at all. 

Yet, even though all the wrongs were right now, I remembered my prayer to Hashem and how I asked Him that if He rights the wrongs, I'll listen to His message anyway and turn away from there (I had been thinking of turning it from a side occupation to a main occupation, or one of my main occupations - but then that occurrence happened which made me feel like I failed and I decided I wouldn't go for it as a main. Perhaps not even as a side-job). After the huge relief I experienced, I told Hashem that I understand the message anyway, I wouldn't go there as a main job, even though everything was OK now and I basically could do it. 

I perceive this whole episode as guidance from Hashem, in a critical moment in which I was going to commit myself (or try to commit myself) to a certain professional direction that is really off my road. Hashem stepped in and told me, in His special ways, not to do it. Even though everything is Ok, even though I can do it, I wouldn't. At the most, I'll keep it as a side-occupation, but I think not even that. In many ways it is going back, and I want to go forward. 

What else can I tell you? I'm constantly minded of where Hashem wants me. He gives me a body, a mind, a heart, He gives me ideas - and He expects me to utilize my time here, the time He graciously gives me on this earth, to serve Him. I try to do it, and recently I stepped up my game. I don't know if there are fruits to my efforts, but this is not really my business. My job is to do. Not to assess what cannot be assessed. 

The Mishnah in Pirkei Avot 2, 15-16 says: "Rabbi Tarfon said: the day is short, and the work is plentiful, and the laborers are indolent, and the reward is great, and the master of the house is insistent. It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it". That is, life is short, there is so much we want to do, have to do, so much G-d expects us to do, but we may fall into despair, because we can never accomplish everything that we want to do. The work is great and the day (i.e., life) is short, but this is not a cause for despair. 

I love Pirkei Avot. So much wisdom there. 

I will soon go to my yearly round around road 293 in the Negev. Visit my childhood village and the resting place of the man who brough me to this world. I want to learn Mishnah Avot for the elevation of his soul. And in my mind the song plays, "Country road, take me home to the place I belong..."

If you like this blog, I'll try to write more often. I only hope this is not a robot but a real person. How would I ever know... I can only hope. 

 

Failure?

Sometimes in life we take a right turn or a left turn, we make a decision and we start doing something, feeling that yes, this may be the right move for us. But then, at times, a failure may occur - something you were so sure of yourself about suddenly proves as the wrong move for you. You fail. 

In such cases, most people take the blame on themselves and some may even fall to depression. However, if you live with the knowledge that G-d is with you and that everything that happens to you is His will, you factor this fact in, and you realize that there's more to the picture than just the thought of 'I failed'. 

I remember times in my life where I was very joyously working in a certain place, sure that this was going to be forever, and then something happened that made me want to leave. And soon afterwards, something so much greater and better happened and I found myself in a job that is so much more like me, like my dreams, like what I've always striven to do. I realized looking back that if not for the unpleasant occurrence that made me want to leave, I would have stayed there forever, slowly stagnating and missing the true road of my life. 

I recently remembered other such situations - for example, how I left my previous apartment. If not for reality forcing me to make a decision and leave, I would have stayed there forever. And after I left, I realized Hashem had a new plan for me, a much bigger mission to accomplish in my new neighborhood. I thank Hashem so much for this. 

Today, as I was pondering these things somewhat sadly because of a new event that happened, which made me reconsider my last professional steps, I suddenly heard a commercial on YouTube, with a new song by Ariel Silber and Ido Levy, "זכרי שיש" - Remember that there is always Someone who watches over you, whatever road you take, you can always play your song. Tears welled in my eyes. Wow, what timing! What a timely message! I feel this has arrived as an embrace from HaShem, telling me, "I'm here with you, I see everything you go through, don't worry, you're not on your own in this". Baruch Hashem. 

I live my life in this world knowing that I'm not here for my own sake. I'm here as a servant of Hashem, and I want to be where He wants me to be, where He needs me to serve Him. I tell Him in my heart from time to time, 'I'm here for You. I myself am not important, unless as a servant of You. I want to serve you the best I can'. And it helps me take things in proportion - I'm not the center. Hashem is the center, and I revolve around Him. 

This life is short and temporary, but in it we are given our chance to do as much as we can to serve Him and to do good in His world. May we always merit to remember that and to do that. 

 

Sitting at the campus library

studying. 

Notes of The Cat Returns 

play in my mind. 

 20th of Tamuz - OOG

Waiting...

The real-estate market in Israel is boiling. There are not enough apartments to suit everyone and rent fees rise. I see American immigrants asking for apartments to rent in double their market price, which of course causes the rent prices to increase. I want to pray about it, but I feel uncomfortable praying about something like this. It is something material, and I feel embarrassed to pray about something material. However, it is also something basic. Having a decent place to live is very basic. My landlords increased my rent last year. Last week they called me and told me they are going to increase it again this year. And I already know that they will increase it again and again in ever growing numbers. I like the apartment that I live in, it is small and sweet. It is old, not renovated, but it has its own charm. I hear the sounds of prayer from the nearby synagogue, which is charming. I've never felt totally at home here, not sure why. When I lived in my previous neighborhood near the city center, I loved my apartment, I really felt at home there, even though it was less special and beautiful than this apartment. But on my last year there, I felt it was time to leave, I felt my heart was yearning to move closer to Mt. Scopus, and G-d made me do so, by making the landlord increase the rent in that apartment dramatically, suddenly. I'm glad the landlord did it, as it forced me to leave and move here. I like my current neighborhood and I want to continue living here.

The Gemara in the tractate of Sota says that before the anointed king will come, the prices will soar high. As a parable, it says that the wine will be very expensive even though there will be plenty of grapes. Meaning, the reason for the high prices is not shortages of any kind. It will be an unnatural rising of prices, and we already see it here in everything. Everything costs more and more, while salaries remain the same. 

We're waiting for the king, a descendant of King David (from the father side, of course, as this is how kingly and priestly dynasties work in Israel). May He come soon!  

Free riders

On Shabbat, memories flooded me, and I allowed myself to flow with them. As I did, the lyrics of the popular song, 'Say something, I'm giving up on you', entered my mind somehow. I felt as if someone, somewhere, was perhaps feeling this way. 

So here I am.

Friday morning I went out for a morning walk. As I was walking, I saw many bicyclists riding in a long row. When I got closer to them, I realized they were participating in the Nevi'ot Sovev Yerushalayim ride - apparently, it is a 40 km ride across Jerusalem. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of men, women, children and old people, most thin and fit, but some heavy-weight, were riding and enjoying the beauty and special air of this holy city. I was so proud - that they can come here from other places and enjoy the mystery and exquisite beauty of this place. I zoomed-out a bit, to some 80 years ago and tried to see the scene with the eyes of someone who lived at that time: the scene, of sovereign, independent Jews, riding their bicycles in the rebuilt city of Jerusalem, the capital city of sovereign Israel, hit me as surreal. I realized how far-fetched and impossible this scene is. How can this be? For almost 2000 years, the land of Israel was in desolation, changing hands from empire to empire, from ruler to ruler, none being able to take root here. For the same amount of years the Jews were dispersed among the nations, looked at by their neighbors as a hopeless nation forsaken by G-d, ridiculed, persecuted, hated for being who they were. And now, fast-forward almost two millennia, they returned here from all four corners of the world, reestablished Hebrew as their spoken language, rebuilt the ruined cities and towns, made the land blossom, flourish and give of its produce abundantly - and they are sovereigns in their land, children of the land of Israel, riding their bicycles freely at her heart, Jerusalem. 

I was moved beyond words. 

I didn't know what their route was, but I wanted to witness that miracle and the joyful atmosphere longer. So I changed my intended route and walked opposite them, facing them, going to where they were coming from, not knowing where this route will take me. 

After about 30 minutes or so of walking, I found myself near the Hebrew University on Mt. Scopus. They were circling part of it. It was so beautiful. The views of the desert on one side, and the university on top of the mountain on the other, and in the middle these free riders, dressed with colorful clothes, and all in the pristine air of Jerusalem - this was so moving and so beautiful. I am not in the habit of taking pictures, normally. I prefer to experience the moment. But I decided to take a picture at that special place. For me, but also for you. I have an old phone and my camera is not so good, it doesn't capture the vividness of the colors in reality, but I hope you can enjoy it nonetheless. 

VaYakhel Pkudei (5783)

 

*פרשת ויקהל-פקודי*:

 

פרשות-סמוכות אלה מסיימות את ספר שמות, וממשיכות לעסוק במלאכת המשכן. ה' ממנה את בצלאל בן-חור משבט יהודה (שבט המלוכה) ואת אהליאב בן אחיסמך משבט דן (בן בלהה, שפחת רחל) לנצח על מלאכת המשכן, ובכך מרמז שלכל שכבות העם יש חלק משמעותי בבניית המשכן.

כמו בפרשה הקודמת, כי תשא, כך גם בפרשת השבוע, מוזכר הציווי לשמור את השבת באמצע הפירוט על מלאכת המשכן. אברהם יהושע השל אומר שהשבת היא *מקדש בזמן*, בעוד שהמשכן הוא *מקדש במרחב*. קדושת הזמן עולה על קדושת המרחב. חז"ל אומרים שאזכור זה של השבת באמצע פרטי מלאכת המשכן נועד להבהיר שעם כל חשיבותה של בניית המשכן, אסור לעסוק בה בשבת. מכאן אנו למדים ש-39 המלאכות הכרוכות בבניית המשכן (תופר, בורר, זורע, קוצר וכו') הן המלאכות האסורות בשבת והן המגדירות את גדרי האסור והמותר בשבת. מעניין שגם ברמת הרמז, המילה "מלאכה" מופיעה 39 פעמים בתורה, כמו לרמז על כך שאיסורי שבת כוללים את ל"ט מלאכות המשכן.

"עבודה" אינה אסורה בשבת, אך "מלאכה" כן. עבודה (מלשון ע.ב.ד) כמו הזזת שולחנות, הרמת משאות וכו', אמנם אינה ברוח השבת, אבל מותרת. מלאכה (מלשון מ.ל.ך) כרוכה בפעולה יצירתית, בלקיחת חפץ או עצם וביצוע שינוי יצירתי עליו (כמו בתפירה, זריעה, בישול, הבערת אש וכדו'). הפעם הראשונה שהמילה "מלאכה" מופיעה בתורה היא בתחילת ספר בראשית, בסיפור הבריאה: ה' ביצע מלאכתו במשך שישה ימים ושבת ביום השביעי. בניית המשכן משולה לבריאת העולם, וכשם שכל הפרטים בבריאה מתואמים בצורה מתוחכמת להפליא, כך גם במשכן יש חשיבות לכל פרט ופרט ולדיוק שבדברים, ועל כן הפירוט והמקום הרב שמקדישה התורה לעניין זה. הרב פרופ' יונתן זקס אומר שהמשכן מהווה תזכורת מוחשית לשכינתו של ה' במחנה ישראל, וזה לכשלעצמו מהווה מטאפורה לנוכחותו של ה' ביקום כולו. שנזכה לחוות את העולם כך תמיד. חזק חזק ונתחזק!

 

שבת שלום 🌷

 

Ki Tissa (5783)

*פרשת כי תשא:*

 

פרשת השבוע מגיעה בימים טרופים של שסע וקרע בעמנו מבפנים, והתקפות טרור עלינו מבחוץ, ומזכירה לנו עד כמה חשובה האחדות בעם, לפני הכל. הפרשה מציגה את ההוראות שנותן ה' למשה לעשיית כלי המשכן, ובכלל זה מזבח הקטורת. ניתנות הוראות מדוייקות כיצד להכין את הקטורת ומפורטים הסימנים האמורים להיכלל בתוכה. מבין כל הסימנים הללו, ישנו סימן אחד, החלבנה, שעליו אומר התלמוד *"החלבנה, ריחה רע"*. על כך אומר רש"י: "וחלבנה – בושם שריחו רע... ומנאה (ומנה אותה) הכתוב בין סממני הקטורת, ללמדנו שלא יקל בעינינו לצרף עימנו באגודת תעניותינו ותפילותינו את פושעי ישראל, שיהיו נמנין עמנו". שורש המילה קטורת הוא קט"ר. שורש זה חולק שתיים מתוך שלוש אותיות עם השורש קש"ר. אמר האבן-עזרא שכל זוג שורשים שחולקים ביניהם שתי אותיות זהות, יש ביניהם קשר סמנטי, קשר של משמעות. הקטורת, מטרתה קישור עולם החומר עם עולם הרוח, וקישור עם-ישראל עם הקב"ה. כלומר, כשם שהקטורת לא תהיה שלמה וכשרה ללא החלבנה, כך עבודת ישראל את ה' וקשרם אליו לא יהיו שלמים ללא כל חלקי העם, כולל הנידחים והרחוקים ביותר.

רעיון דומה מובע בפרשה זו גם באמצעות מחצית השקל: "כֹּל הָעֹבֵר עַל-הַפְּקֻדִים, מִבֶּן עֶשְׂרִים שָׁנָה, וָמָעְלָה - יִתֵּן תְּרוּמַת ה'. הֶעָשִׁיר לֹא-יַרְבֶּה, וְהַדַּל לֹא יַמְעִיט מִמַּחֲצִית הַשָּׁקֶל - לָתֵת אֶת-תְּרוּמַת ה', לְכַפֵּר עַל-נַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶם." המלבי"ם אומר על עניין זה: "כי כל עוד שהעם מתאחדים והם כלם כאיש אחד, זכות הרבים גדול מאד, אבל כשמונים אותם - שאז מפרידים כל איש בפני עצמו ויחופשו מעשיהם, ואז ישלוט בהם נגף, ולתקן זה, ציווה שכל אחד ייתן מחצית השקל, שזה מורה על אגודתם, שכל יחיד והוא רק מחצית ולא דבר שלם, וצריך שיצטרף אחר עמו, עד יעשה כדבר שלם...". כלומר: אף אחד מאתנו, כיחידים, אינו מושלם. לכולנו יש חסרונות. אך אם אנו מאוגדים, אנו משלימים ומפצים אלה על חסרונותיהם של אלה, ושום נגף או דבר רע לא יכול לשלוט בנו. 

מי ייתן...

 

שבת שלום 🌷

 

Tetzaveh - shabbat Zachor (5783)

 פרשת תצוה – שבת זכור:

בשבת שלפני פורים אנו קוראים בבית הכנסת את הציווי בדבר מחיית זכר עמלק: "זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה לְךָ עֲמָלֵק בַּדֶּרֶךְ, בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִּצְרָיִם... תִּמְחֶה אֶת זֵכֶר עֲמָלֵק, מִתַּחַת הַשָּׁמָיִם; לֹא תִּשְׁכָּח" (דב' כ"ה, י"ז-י"ט). עמלק היה אחד מצאצאיו של עשיו (הנקרא גם 'אדום'), והמן האגגי היה אחד מצאצאי עמלק. מחיית זכר עמלק באה לידי ביטוי בימינו גם בהרעשה הסמלית בעת הזכרת שמו של המן בזמן קריאת המגילה. 

בגמרא (מגילה ו', ע"ב) נאמר: "אמר יעקב לפני הקב"ה, 'רבונו של עולם, אל תתן לעשו הרשע תאוות לבו, זממו אל תפק' - זו גרממיא של אדום, שאלמלי הן יוצאין, מחריבין כל העולם כולו". אמר היעב"ץ (ר' יעקב עמדין): "גרממיא – כמדומה רצונו לומר גרמניא, היא אשכנז שלנו". הגמרא מדברת על אומה בשם 'גרממיא', צאצאי אדום/עשיו, שאילו רק יופק זממם, יחריבו את העולם כולו. הדבר נכתב מאות רבות של שנים לפני מלחמת העולם השנייה והשואה הנוראה. גם פרשנותו של היעב"ץ לגמרא זו נכתבה כמאתיים שנה לפני המאורעות הללו, ומפליא כוח הנבואה של הטקסטים הקדושים הללו. 

"כי יד על כס י-ה, מלחמה לה' בעמלק מדור דור" (שמות י"ז, ט"ז): על הרצף שבין אמונה וחוסר אמונה, ישראל מסמלת את צד האמונה, את ההישענות על ה' והכרה בכוחו, את חשיבות החסד והנתינה, בעוד שעמלק מסמל את צד חוסר האמונה, את הישענות האדם על כוחו ועוצם ידו, את הישרדות החזק. המלחמה בין שני כוחות אלה באה להכריע בשאלת האמונה בעולם: האם קיים בורא לעולם, או לא? האם האדם הוא ריבון על העולם, או שיש ריבונו של עולם? ואיזה סוג של קיום אנושי וחברה על האדם להקים? המלחמה של שני כוחות אלה עדיין בעיצומה. בתור עם שנבחר לייצג את צד האמונה בעולם, תפקידנו למחות את זכר עמלק - על ידי חיזוק האמונה בא-ל האחד, הליכה בדרכיו (נתינה וחסד, קיום המצוות) ומילוי שליחותנו בעולם – השליחות להוות עדות לכך שיש בורא לעולם.

שבת שלום 🌷

Terumah 5783

*פרשת תרומה*:

 

פרשת השבוע, פרשת תרומה, עוסקת בהוראות שה' נותן למשה לבניית המשכן. יתר הפרשות עד סוף ספר שמות יעסקו בבניין המשכן, על כל הפרטים הטכניים המדוקדקים הכרוכים בכך. מפליא הדבר שהתורה, שבה כל מילה, כל אות וכל תג מדודים ומחושבים, מקדישה "שטח נדל"ן" כה נרחב לעיסוק בפרטים טכניים. אין זאת, אלא כי טמון פה סוד עמוק.

 

הרמב"ן (ר' משה בן נחמן) אומר כי המשכן הוא המשכו של מעמד הר סיני: ה' נועד עם משה בהר סיני, ומעתה ימשיך להיוועד עמו במשכן; הענן כיסה את הר סיני, ולאחר מכן כיסה את המשכן; האש במעמד הר סיני מסומלת בצבע האש (הזהב) של הכרובים במשכן, ועוד. כפי שההתגלות במעמד הר סיני היתה חיבור בין המציאות הרוחנית לבין המציאות הגשמית, כך המשכן מסמל את החיבור הזה בהמשך דרכם של ב"י במדבר.

 

אפשר לומר שגם האדם הוא משכן, המחבר בין מציאות רוחנית (הנשמה) למציאות הגשמית (הגוף). "וְעָ֥שׂוּ לִ֖י מִקְדָּ֑שׁ וְשָׁכַנְתִּ֖י בְּתוֹכָֽם". היינו מצפים שהפסוק יאמר "ועשו לי משכן, ושכנתי בתוכו", אך מקום שכינת ה' היא "בתוכם". כלומר: בני האדם עשויים להוות משכן שבתוכו יכול ה' לשכון. המסר פה ברור – ה', שהוא המציאות הרוחנית המוחלטת, לא צריך בית גשמי לשכון בתוכו. "מֵאֵ֤ת כׇּל־אִישׁ֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר יִדְּבֶ֣נּוּ לִבּ֔וֹ תִּקְח֖וּ אֶת־תְּרוּמָתִֽי". כשבני ישראל יביאו מנדבת לבם את כספם, זהבם ואבניהם היקרות כדי לבנות "בית התוועדות" עם ה', הם עצמם יהפכו להיות מעין משכן, וה' ישכון *בתוכם*. שכינת ה' בתוכנו תיתכן רק באמצעות נתינה, ולא נתינה מן הסוג המאולץ והכפוי, אלא נתינה של המובחר ביותר מנדבת הלב, מרצון טוב הנובע מעומק הלב. עם ישראל מצטיין במידת החסד והנתינה, ובמדינת ישראל יש גמ"חים ועמותות-חסד לאלפים ולרבבות. ככל שנתמיד ונרבה בעשיה התנדבותית בונה וחיובית, כך נהפוך להיות אנו-עצמנו, כיחידים וכעם, משכן לשכינת ה'.  

שבת שלום 🌷 

Mishpatim (5783)

 פרשת משפטים:

פרשת השבוע, פרשת משפטים, פורטת את התורה לדינים מפורטים.  בתוך כל הדינים הניתנים לעם ישראל, מופיע אזכור של מלאך ה', שאמור לשמור על עם ישראל בדרכו במדבר ולהביאו אל ארץ ישראל: "הִנֵּה אָנֹכִי שֹׁלֵחַ מַלְאָךְ לְפָנֶיךָ, לִשְׁמָרְךָ בַּדָּרֶךְ; וְלַהֲבִיאֲךָ אֶל-הַמָּקוֹם אֲשֶׁר הֲכִנֹתִי". המילה "מלאך" מופיעה בתורה ובספרי הנ"ך בהקשרים שונים, אך נראה כי תמיד במשמעות של "שליח". אומר המלבי"ם (הרב מאיר לייבוש בן יחיאל מיכל) כי כל גורמי הטבע והכוחות בעולם (חי, צומח ומדבר) הם שליחים ביד ה', לעשות את רצונו. אם לתרגם זאת לזמננו, גם חתול שחוצה את הכביש ומעכב אותנו בנהיגה עשוי להיות שליח להציל אותנו מתאונה, שהייתה מתרחשת לולא העיכוב הזה. ישנם מלאכים עם כוח לפעול בתוך חוקי הטבע ובמסגרתם, ומלאכים שלהם ניתן הכוח לפרוץ את חוקי הטבע ולפעול מעליהם. 

הרבה שלוחים למקום, וגם אנו, בחיינו, מהווים שלוחים ביד ה' למלא את רצונו עבור בריותיו. אין מקריות בעולם, וכל דבר שאנו עושים וחווים נעשה בהשגחה והנו בר-משמעות הן ברמת הפרט והן ברמת החברה. ההשפעה שלנו היא כמו אדוות במים – פעולה נקודתית קטנה, שההשפעה שלה הולכת ומתפשטת בעולם ומשפיעה על מעגלים הולכים ומתרחבים. אמר רבי ישמעאל: "זכות מגלגלים על ידי זכאי", כלומר: דברים טובים מגיעים לבריות על ידי אנשים טובים. כדי שנהיה זכאים, ונוכל להוות צינורות להשפעת טוב על הסביבה ועל העולם, עלינו להנהיג את עצמנו בדרכים טובות וישרות. הדינים המופיעים בפרשה זו נועדו להוליך אותנו בדרך טובה וישרה ולהכשיר אותנו למלאכת השליחות מדי יום, כל חיינו. שנזכה! 

שבת שלום 🌷

Yitro (5783)

 Still having a cold... So happy shabbat is near!

פרשת יתרו:

השבת נשמע בבית הכנסת את קריאת עשרת הדברות, המופיעות בפרשת השבוע, פרשת יתרו. בפרשה זו ניתנת התורה, מסמך ששינה את חיי האנושות כולה, יהודים ולא-יהודים כאחד. חז"ל מתייחסים לעשרת הדברות כעשר קטגוריות כלליות של מצוות. את יתר 603 המצוות הם רואים כהיפרטות של אותן עשר קטגוריות. 

מצוות התורה וחוקיה הפכו להיות הבסיס למערכת המשפטית של רבות מאומות העולם, כולל המפותחות ביותר מביניהן, ועשרת הדיברות שלנו אף הוצבו בכניסה לבניין בית-המשפט העליון של ארה"ב. עד קבלת התורה היו כל עמי העולם עובדי-אלילים. עם פיזורם של היהודים בין אומות העולם, אותן אומות שאליהם הגיעו ריכוזים משמעותיים של יהודים זנחו את עבודת האלילים ואימצו אמונה מונותאיסטית (נצרות או איסלם). מפליא לראות שהיום, באותן אומות שאליהן לא הגיעו בזמנו ריכוזים גדולים של יהודים, קיימים מנהגים פגאניים עד היום (תייר שיבקר במקומות כמו הונג-קונג או סינגפור, לדוגמה, יופתע לראות אנשים מתקדמים, אינטליגנטיים ומתוחכמים, משתחווים לפסילים ומנשקים צלמיות עץ קטנות, שהם מאמינים כי הן אלוהויות).

בתורה ניתנה לנו מצוות השבת, מצווה דתית וחברתית מן המעלה הראשונה שהיוותה מהפכה של ממש. יום אחד בשבוע, המוקדש למנוחה – לכל שכבות האוכלוסיה, ואף לבעלי החיים המשמשים לעבודה במשק. רעיון זה התפשט גם אל האמונות המונותיאיסטיות שצמחו בהשפעת היהדות, והללו הביאו את הבשורה לכל קצווי תבל, ואף לאזורים הנידחים ביותר על פני כדור הארץ. הודות לשבת שלנו, כיום מונהג יום מנוחה שבועי בכל העולם. אפשר לומר, שבכך שאנו חיים ומשמרים את התורה וחוקיה, אנו ממלאים את שליחותנו ומהווים, הלכה למעשה, אור לגויים. 

שבת שלום 💐

Beshalach (5783)

 I'm having a cold... 

פרשת בשלח:

בפרשתנו יוצאים בני ישראל ממצרים ומתחילים לצעוד במדבר. כששומע פרעה כי ברחו ממנו עבדיו, נוקף אותו לבו והוא מתחרט ששילח אותם לחופשי. בחיל כבד הוא רודף אחריהם ומבקש למנוע מהם את היציאה לחופשי. העם חווה חרדה גדולה, אך ה' מרגיע אותם: "התייצבו וראו את ישועת ה', אשר יעשה לכם היום, כי אשר ראיתם את מצרים היום - לא תוסיפו לראותם עוד עד עולם. ה' יילחם לכם ואתם תחרישון". את ההמשך אנו יודעים - בני ישראל עוברים בתוך הים ביבשה, והמצרים טובעים, "לא נשאר בהם עד אחד". 

אומר הר"ן (הרב ניסים) דבר מרתק: "מדרכי ה' יתברך הוא להביא עצות מרחוק... ה' יתברך כיוון ורצה לדון כל המצריים בדבר אשר זדו על ישראל... ורצה להביאם בעניין שהם בעצמם, בבחירתם, ייכנסו במים וימותו שמה". 

פוקח את עינינו הר"ן לדבר מופלא ומצביע על הקשר בין פשעי מצרים בתחילת דרכם לבין הגורל שפקד אותם בסופה: המצרים דנו את הזכרים מבין ילדי ישראל למיתה במים (ביאור), וה' גלגל את המאורעות כך שלבסוף הזכרים מבין ילדיהם עצמם (פרעה וחייליו) ימותו במים (בים סוף). 

החיים הם גלגל. מה שאדם עושה, בסופו של דבר חוזר אליו, לאחר פיתולים רבים ואף שנים רבות, כך שאין אנו רואים תמיד את הקשר בין תחילת המעשה לסופו, אך תמיד: "סוף מעשה - במחשבה תחילה". זה נעשה בדרכיו המופלאות של ה', בצורה שלרוב נעלמת מן העין. אנו רואים ושומעים על תהליכים שקורים כיום בעולם, שינויים שקורים לנגד עינינו. השינויים קורים בקצב אטי, ואנו לא חושבים על היד המכוונת אותם ועל הכיוון שאליו הדברים הולכים, אבל גם בעידן המודרני, "ה' מביא עצות מרחוק"... 

שנשכיל לכלכל את צעדינו ובחירותינו בתבונה ובחכמה, כך שגם כשהגלגל יסתובב, נזכה להיות בצד הנכון שלו.

BO (5783)

This Shabbat night, as I was preparing to go to bed, I heard lots of ambulance sirens, one after the other, for a long time, coming from not too far from here. I realized immediately that something happened, that the children of Yishma'el again did something against the children of Yisrael. When shabbat was over, I learned the bitter truth. They killed 7 innocent congregants, who were praying in a synagogue. 

Genesis 16: 12...  let the verse speak for itself. 

פרשת בא:

פרשת השבוע היא פרשת בא. "בעל הטורים" (הרב יעקב בן אשר) מפנה את תשומת לבנו לעובדה ששם הפרשה, "בא", עולה בגמטריה 3, וכי ברמת הרמז, הדבר מצביע על העובדה כי פרשה זו מתארת את שלוש המכות האחרונות הניתכות על מצרים, ארבה, חושך, בכורות.

בפרשתנו, ה' אומר למשה: "בֹּ֖א אֶל־פַּרְעֹ֑ה כִּֽי־אֲנִ֞י הִכְבַּ֤דְתִּי אֶת־לִבּוֹ֙... לְמַ֗עַן שִׁתִ֛י אֹֽתֹתַ֥י אֵ֖לֶּה בְּקִרְבּֽוֹ". נשאלת השאלה – אם ה' הוא המכביד את לב פרעה, למה הוא מעניש אותו על כך? איפה הבחירה החופשית ועקרון הצדק שעליהם מושתתת האמונה היהודית?

אומר הרמב"ן כי לכתחילה פרעה היה חייב, מכיוון שעינה את עם ישראל שלא לצורך, מרצונו החופשי. נוסף על כך, בתחילה, בחמש מתוך עשר המכות, פרעה היה זה שהכביד את לבו בעצמו, כלומר – השתמש בבחירתו החופשית כדי להכביד את לבו. רק לאחר מכן ה' התחיל להכביד את לבו. על כך אומרת הגמרא במסכת מכות: " בדרך שאדם רוצה לילך - בה מוליכין אותו". וכן נאמר בנביא: "מֵרְשָׁעִ֖ים יֵ֣צֵא רֶ֑שַׁע" (שמואל א', כד, יד). לאחר שפרעה הראה מי הוא, מהן דרכיו ומהי בחירתו החופשית, ה' הוליך אותו בדרך הזו גם כשהמחיר על כך הפך כבד, והשתמש בו להוכיח את נפלאותיו.

את העקרון הזה אנו יכולים לזהות גם בחיינו: בתחילה, יש לנו בחירה חופשית ודרגות חופש רבות לבחור את דרכינו. אך מרגע שהתחלנו לבחור, דרגות החופש מצטמצמות, וקשה יותר לבחור דרך אחרת, לבחור בשינוי. אפשר לראות זאת כשאנשים מתחילים לעשן – בהתחלה הם עושים זאת מבחירה חופשית, אך ככל שהם מתמידים בכך, נראה כי הדבר כופה את עצמו עליהם ונותרות להן דרגות חופש מעטות בלבד להפסיק לעשן. כך גם בכל היבט אחר של חיינו – הבחירות שלנו מעצבות אותנו, את חיינו ואת בחירותינו העתידיות. שנזכה לבחור נכון ולנצל את בחירתנו החופשית כדי להיטיב ולא להרע.

VaEra (5783)

 פרשת וארא:

בפרשתנו מתחיל תהליך של גאולת עם ישראל הנתון במיצר תחת מצרים, אולם כבר עם הצעד הראשון הנעשה לקראת הגאולה (פנייתם של משה ואהרון אל פרעה), מידרדר המצב ומגיע לשפל חסר תקדים: כעת, במקום לעסוק בבניה בלבד, על העם לקושש את התבן הדרוש ליצירת הלבנים, בעוד שמכסת העבודה שלהם נותרת בעינה. התעמרויות מסוג זה בוואריאציות שונות מוכרות לנו גם מתקופות חשוכות בהיסטוריה המאוחרת יותר של עם ישראל. אולם גם בגלות מצרים, כן כבאירופה של המאה החולפת, נראה כי התגברות הרע היא אות מבשר לדעיכתו הממשמשת ובאה ולפינוי מקומו לטוב הנולד אחריו. 

 

אומר ה"כלי יקר" (הרב שלמה אפרים מלונטשיץ), "מה שהרע פרעה לישראל עכשיו יותר ממה שעשה לשעבר זה מופת חותך שקרב קצו", ומוסיף: "בכל יום סמוך לעלות השחר, החושך מחשיך ביותר מן חשכת הלילה, ואח"כ אור השחר בוקע ועולה". כך, בכל היבט של החיים ושל המציאות, הן בחיינו האישיים והן בתהליכים בקנה מידה לאומי ועף עולמי, כל דבר העומד להתבטל מן העולם עולה וגובר עד מאד רגע לפני כניעתו. תבוסת הרע מפנה מקום לטוב ומלמדת אותנו לשאת עיניים בתקווה גם כשנראה כי אין קרן אור אחת לרפואה. כך היה במצרים, יציאה מגלות לגאולה, וכך גם בימינו אנו ובהיסטוריה הקרובה של עמנו. על כך אמר הנביא ישעיהו: לְעֵ֥ת עֶ֨רֶב֙ - וְהִנֵּ֣ה בַלָּהָ֔ה, בְּטֶ֥רֶם בֹּ֖קֶר – אֵינֶ֑נּוּ" (ישעיהו י"ז, י"ד), ונראה כי צדק מי ששורר, "תמיד הכי חשוך לפני עלות השחר". 

Shmot 5783 (short)

 Last Friday I posted this in Hebrew in a small WhatsApp group. I'm posting it here, as is. If you don't speak Hebrew, you can use Google Translate to translate it. This is about last week's Torah Portion (that of Shemot):

פרשת שמות:

בפרשתנו עולה משה לראשונה אל במת ההיסטוריה. פרעה, מתוך נסיון להכניע את עם ישראל המתרבה ופורץ, גוזר להרוג את הבנים הנולדים, אך אינו יודע כי בעצם פעולתו זו הוא מכין במו ידיו את הקרקע לגאולת ישראל ולהרס ארצו, מצרים. כפי שה' סובב את הדברים, גואל ישראל נמשה מן היאור על ידי בתו של פרעה עצמו, וגדל בארמונו! גדילתו של משה בארמון המלך מכשירה אותו לעמוד כמנהיג מול פרעה בעתיד ולדרוש בעוז, 'שלח את עמי', שליחות שברוב ענוותנותו היה מתקשה לבצע אילו היה גדל בסביבה שאינה ארמון המלך. לולא גזרתו של פרעה על הבנים, משה היה גדל ככל הילדים אצל הוריו, ולא היה מקבל את ההכשרה הנדרשת לתפקידו כמושיען של ישראל. 

ה' מקדים רפואה למכה, ולעתים קרובות בחיים הפתרון טמון בבעיה עצמה ומגיע מתוכה. "משיח יושב בשערי רומי", אמרו חז"ל – ופירשו: הישועה תגיע מתוך הבעיה עצמה. בתוך כל בעיה, טמונים הזרעים לפתרונה. 'ועת צרה היא לישראל וממנה יוושע' (ירמיהו ל ז) – דווקא מתוך הצרה עצמה, פעמים רבות מגיעה הישועה. שנזכה לראות את מאורעות החיים באור זה של אמונה ולמצוא את גורם הישועה גם במעמקי הצרה.