Thursday, July 9, 2020

17th of Tammuz

So today was the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day in which we commemorate the breaching of the city walls of Jerusalem during the times of the Roman Empire. So no food or water for a whole day, during which you feel the longing for complete redemption, you feel the suffering, you feel the anguish. And when the fast is over and you drink your first glass of cold water, you get an inkling of a feeling of redemption - you can satiate your thirst, and your hunger, of course.
I usually have no problem fasting, but today I was very weak, and truly suffered. I watched many YouTube videos of the Megalim Institute about our history, including a demonstration of what the Holy Temple probably looked like, based on different texts, and the Bible, of course. It was beautiful and it took my mind of my personal suffering of the fast and focused it on the theme of the fast - on our national fate and history.
At some point today I was even sure I got the coronavirus - I had shivers, my eyes were wet and not from tears, I felt so tired. But now, after having eaten, I no longer think that I have the coronavirus.
This pandemic is raging here with approximately 1400 new carriers a day. You would think that it is because they are performing more tests, but I don't think this is the reason. The fact that the number of critically ill patients has risen dramatically is a testimony to the fact that the virus is truly spreading fast.
I am so looking forward to going to bed now, to rest after this difficult day, but I first need to give my stomach time to digest the vegetable soup I ate to break the fast. No complaints, though!
In three weeks from now we will have a bigger fast, that of Tish'a b'Av - to commemorate the actual destruction of the Temple. I already know how I would like to pass that day - with a lot of educational videos and praying. I wish the day would come soon that the Temple will be rebuilt and we won't have to fast anymore. I don't like fast days, especially Tish'a b'Av. It is such a melancholic day...
Anyway, and with these optimistic words I'll end this post.
Good night!

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

A thought

I study a lot for my profession recently, and there is also a lot of emotional processing going on within me. As a result of these two things, the intellectual and emotional activity, I dream a lot -  our brains do this to process information when we sleep, and I find it fascinating.
Someone said, and I agree, that a dream is like an envelope containing a letter that is written and sent specifically to you. When you wake up, the memory of the dream is like that envelope containing the letter placed on your pillow. All you have to do is pick it up, open it and read the letter - that is, to recall the dream, live it a bit longer consciously, and try to figure out what it means and symbolizes to you. Some of it may contain prophetic contents (I've had a few of these dreams), but some of it may be just mundane rendering of themes from your current life. Some of it may be related to stimuli you encountered during the day, or elaborations of your emotional state.
I like doing it, to stay with the dream a bit longer when I wake up, but admittedly, not every dream makes me want to do that. Some dreams make me want to forget them as soon as possible, it is a relief to wake up and realize the bad experience I've just had was in the mind-dimension of the kingdom of dreams and not in my 'real' physical reality (and who knows if this reality we're living is not a dream in itself?).
Last night, not sure why, I had a horrible dream. I usually do not have a lot of bad dreams, but this time I had one, and it was scary. In my dream, I met Hitler, in person. I don't think I've ever dreamed of that monster in my life and not sure why now. Perhaps I saw a picture of him somewhere and it infiltrated my dream. I was sitting next to him, trembling with fear, and he was commanding me to do this or do that. All I wanted was to get away from there as soon as I could, and I took the first chance to do that and just left. So there's not much to the story (thank goodness), but what impressed me was that I was actually there with the person, I sensed his energy - dense, condensed, so tightly packed, that nothing else could go in. It was all just radiating "me, me, me" - all so full of himself, and no room for anything or anyone to penetrate that armor of selfishness and self-centeredness. It was as if his energy was so crude and thick, like that of an animal (if animals could talk I would apologize to them for the comparison). But anyway, it was repulsive. He was a repulsive man. When you hear of the atrocities that happened in WWII, it is hard to imagine that a person, one person, could start all this. It is hard to believe. But when I met him in the dream, I realized how it could have happened. It suddenly became clear. I could understand how someone like him would start something so horrible.
Strangest dream ever.
And of course, I was thinking of all the normal people I know from every culture, and how different they are: there's so much air between their mental, energetic 'molecules', there is room for other things and people but themselves there, this is what allows for goodness to come in, to the light of G-d to shine in them.

A concluding thought: I'm so appreciative of the fact that I live as a sovereign in a country of my own, not dependent upon other nations, like the descendants of Esau and Yishma'el, to host me in their lands, no matter how nice, kind and cultured they are.
Baruch HaShem.



Friday, June 26, 2020

Second wave

There is a second wave of Covid19 here. Yesterday there were 668 new carriers in one day. People go to the beaches, to restaurants, places where they don't normally wear masks, and the virus is having a feast.
The good thing compared to the first wave is that now at least the elderly people know that they must protect themselves, so they stay home, whereas the younger ones are out. Even if they get the virus, no harm is done to them, and as long as the elderly protect themselves, things can be more or less under control. Still, I think all of us should wear masks anywhere in the public domain and avoid social get togethers as much as possible. Yet, there is a feeling that life has started going back into normal again, more or less.
I resumed my volunteering in hospitals and this Shabbat I will do a whole shabbat with a patient who is in a serious condition and refuses to eat, unless someone is feeding him. The family paid a 1000 shekel to someone to be with him last Shabbat, it's a lot of money, but I said I'll do it as a volunteer. I'm a bit apprehensive because I know this patient and he may have his moods and may become very angry at times, but I'll give it a try. Also, the thought of being with a mask on Shabbat... I don't like it. It is hard to breathe with a mask. We'll see how it goes.
If you read my previous post about songs, you know I promised to update it from time to time to add more Hebrew songs with words from the Torah, the Prophets or Scriptures. I've added a few more since, and I'll add more soon, I hope. If there are any specific songs or any specific knowledge you'll be happy to read about, I'll be happy to hear it and see what I can do to help.
Have a blessed shabbat!
R.

Friday, June 19, 2020

Songs

In this post I will list Hebrew, Israeli songs that are taken from the Torah, Prophets and Scriptures, in short, from the Tanakh. I will update this list from time to time as more songs come to my mind, and you are welcome to check it and learn some new songs :)
Some of the songs have lyrics that are all from the Tanakh, whereas other songs have words from the Tanakh as well as other lyrics, a combination of both. The videos I chose are just the first ones I found, not necessarily the best ones out there. Some are older versions of the songs and some are newer. Some of them are composed and/or performed by secular artists and some are by religious ones. Anyway, they are all filled with love to G-d.

(update from May 20, 2021: This singer on her YouTube channel sings the Bible beautifully - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFPrj6w4p7Y). 




So here we start:


Psalms 92:12
צדיק כתמר יפרח (Tzadik KaTamar Yifrakh): 



Psalms 150: 5-6
הללויה בצלצלי שמע (HaleluYah be'tziltzelei Shama):



Genesis 32:11-12
קטונתי מכל החסדים (Katonti miKol HaKhasadim):



Song of Songs 5:8
השבעתי אתכם, בנות ירושלים (Hishba'ati Etkhem):



Psalms 121
Shir LaMa'alot, Essa Einai el HeHarim:



Deuteronomy 6:4
Shema Yisra'el:



Isaiah 66:10  (as well as Jeremiah 46:27, Numbers 10:35 and Isaiah 49:18)
Sissu et Yerushalayim:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYZYBR-_hQs



Numbers 12:13
El na Refa Na La:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0D72zDZCI4&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR0EgQimJwCHISVi2eBH91bbd_idRXo88kki2f8zGalHqbRV7aCVb0_UnXg



Psalms 126:
Shir HaMa'alot, b'Shuv HaShem...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNy88yjX2K4


Deuteronomy 3:23-24


Psalms 127:
Im Hashem lo yivneh bayit... 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jfRyrlqInY


I'll keep updating this list. 
Shabbat Shalom,
R. 


Friday, May 22, 2020

Yom Yerushalaim

It seems like Israel is slowly but surely going out of the coronavirus crisis. Very few new carriers are found every day, and the numbers of people dependent on breathing machines is dramatically dropping. Only 13 new carriers of the virus were discovered yesterday, and life is resuming.
Yesterday I went to the city for the first time since the coronavirus pandemic began. It was strange to use public transportation again. Of course, almost everyone was wearing a mask, but still, there was crowdedness in the light rail, and therefore a feeling that life is getting back to normal. Baruch HaShem. It is such a good feeling. I wonder if people are going to take any moral lesson for their lives from what we've been through. I have the feeling that only few will. Most people are not the thinking types. They live their life on an 'automatic gear' and seek to escape from reality to different kinds of entertainment. I'm still trying to figure out what it is that I myself learned from this period of time. Perhaps that sometimes the biggest charity one can do - is not to do anything, to stay home, to not cause damage by doing, and this was my lesson. I stopped all of my regular activities and found that I can be charitable also by not doing anything. I also learned that times like this are like a litmus test - putting people in tests while they are not aware, and it is a chance to see who the people around you are really are. I witnessed how a very rich person was trying to take advantage of the situation in order to rob a poor person who worked for her of their salary, even though there was no justification for it. I'm sure many people around the world witnessed such human and moral failures. It was anthropologically, ethically and psychologically interesting. I also found that I passed such a test with flying colors - I could have taken advantage of my government to get money from them, legally, but since I felt there was no justification for it, I didn't even try, and when they contacted me several times by different means and told me that I can get the money I 'deserve', I refused. This was my test, and I'm so so happy that I could pass it. I feel very happy and content with it. I feel very disappointed with people who agreed to take advantage of the government in such a time of crisis, but I guess one of the purposes of the coronavirus pandemic was to serve as a social, ethical and moral test as well.

We are having some VERY HOT days. For a week, the temperature in Jerusalem was around 37-38 degrees. It made it hard to walk with masks on, and the government canceled the requirement to wear masks. Even so, most people still wore them. I wore them, but not when I was jogging out. My apartment is very hot because it has ceiling windows and the sun shines directly in, so I had to turn on the air conditioning and it helped me a lot. Baruch HaShem there are air conditioning in the world, and that there is one in my place.

My hair has grown so much during the past two months, and now in this heat I really want to cut it short. People who haven't seen me for a while and suddenly saw me were shocked. I had a short hair and now it is below my shoulders. I forgot how I look with long hair. I really want to cut it again, but I'm restraining myself. My goal is to manage to grow another "braid" - to let my hair grow to such a length that I will have at least 30 cm to spare, to be able to braid it into one long braid and donate it again. I did it five years ago and since then I kept it short, but every time I cut it, I felt pangs of regret that if I cut it, I won't be able to donate my hair again, but very gratefully, it is growing really fast now (I prayed that it would and it suddenly started growing really fast), and I believe that in one year from now I will have the necessary length to be able to donate it to the Zichron Menachem charity organization again. It would make me very happy to be able to do that.

Yesterday was Yom Yerushalayim, Jerusalem Day, in which we commemorate the reunification of Jerusalem at the end of the miraculous 1967 six-day war. No words can capture the miracle and the sanctification of G-d's name that occurred as a result of this miracle, but I already wrote about it in the past, so no need to repeat myself here. I'm glad that I could really celebrate Yom Yerushalayim, even though I had no plans of doing this in these times of coronavirus. The way it went is that at the beginning of the week I got a surprise WhatsApp message on my phone from a Japanese acquaintance of mine, from whom I haven't heard in over 3 years. She told me that she is in Jerusalem and we started chatting. She then told me that she watched the famous, lovely SHTISEL tv-series on Netflix, and loved it. She had many questions about the show and about Jews, and I invited her to ask. She did. I answered her questions and then she said that she has two other friends here in Jerusalem who want to ask questions too, because they liked that show very much. So we made plans to meet in the city. We scheduled it to Thursday night (yesterday) and met. After we finished, I was walking towards the light rail to go home, but there was something so special in the air, and I just couldn't go home. Something pulled me to the Kotel, to the Western Wall. I walked there, not knowing if I would be allowed in, because of the coronavirus. But surprisingly, they let me in. The area in front of the wall is divided into cubicles now, and in every cubicle they can have something like 15 people only, with masks. There was a line of women waiting, and I waited with them, but my turn came pretty quickly, and I even merited to go further deep to the stones and touch them. It was such a wonderful strange feeling to be in this place after such a long time. I felt so grateful and it was hard for me to pray with words. All I wanted to do was breathe the special air around this place and thank G-d by being happy. And I did. And, of course, memories of a special visit to the Kotel many many years ago flooded me and are still affecting me, with tears involuntarily rolling down my cheeks from time to time. I hate it when it happens, but I have very little control over it. I hope that on Shabbat I'll be able to balance myself against it. So thanks to those Japanese people, I merited to visit the Kotel and celebrate Yom Yerushalayim there.

I didn't know how the meeting with them would be because I haven't spoken their language in a long time, but it went well. We sat and talked for 2.5 hours, almost 3 hours, and towards the end I felt like my brain used up all of its glucose and I started speaking in a less fluent way, but for most of the time it was OK and I truly enjoyed every moment of it. These three people (my acquaintance and the couple) are completely secular, they come from buddhist/shintoist families, no relation to the Bible whatsoever, so it was a double challenge. I find that it is much easier to talk with Christians, because at least they have read the bible, but these people never have. We started by talking about the kind of job I'm doing, and theirs, which was very interesting, and then moved to talk about Shtisel and all the questions they had about it (they loved the show - and they saw it on Netflix with Japanese subtitles which was shocking to me that this series has subtitles in Japanese), and then we started talking about Judaism, the bible, the miracle of the survival of Israel as a nation in diaspora, the miracle of our return and prosperity in our promised land, and the incredible fact that all of this was prophesied in the Torah and in the Prophets. I hope it made some impression on them, but at the moment I have no way of knowing. They were very grateful and very attentive to every word I said, but will it change anything in their view of life? I have no idea. All three are pro-Palestinian, pro-Arab and therefore anti-Israel. We didn't talk politics at all, only culture, faith, religion - and I hope that something in them will change for the best following this. They said that they want us to schedule another time to walk in the Me'ah She'arim neighborhood and tour it together. That would be nice. All I want is for them to start believing in G-d. Israel doesn't need their support and we don't want to convert them to Judaism. All I want is to help them recognize G-d in their lives. That's it. I told them that G-d is everyone's G-d, not just ours, that he created all of us and lovingly watches all of us and supports us from above. It is the concept of personal providence or 'setsuri'. I also talked with them a lot about the importance of performing charitable deeds, to make this world a better place, and a few minutes later, G-d sent them a chance to experience it. Someone came and asked one of them (the guy) to help him carry a heavy box. He did, and that was such a nice divine exclamation mark on all of our discourse. You can never know how these things go. You plant a seed - the seed may dry and die or it may be irrigated and nourished, and then sprout and grow to become a wonderful fruit-bearing tree. I really think that the reason G-d gave me the ability to learn languages is to use them in such a way as well.

Anyway, time to say Shabbat Shalom, I still have some preparations to do!
Have a peaceful, restful weekend!
R.





Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Out, at last

The radio announced that there have been only 13 new cases of infection with the Coronavirus in the past day, which means that the situation has improved tremendously and I hope it will continue to be so until a final resolution of this problem. The numbers have been low from the beginning of the week, so I finally allowed myself out for a walk, after a month (or two) of locking myself at home and not leaving, unless it was for the supermarket or to throw out the garbage. So Sunday I went on a one-hour morning walk, and yesterday on a 2-hour walk and again this morning I enjoyed a 2-hour long walk in my neighborhood and the adjacent streets. It is so good to be out. The flowers are in full bloom, and in this season the Jasmine flowers give their scent, their sweet, heavenly scent, and I am so happy that I can enjoy it. Everything is so beautiful! Of course, I do not leave the house without a mask. Once I did, without realizing it, but when I realized I was without a mask, I went immediately back home, fetched my mask, and then went out again.
What is surprising to me is that my legs were not weak as I thought they would be after such a prolong time of confinement. It is almost like everything is normal. I hope to be able to continue doing these walks, to energize myself, to have my blood flow freely in my veins.
I recently started eating less cooked food and more raw food - fruit and vegetables. It is such a good feeling. I feel the blood flowing in my body. A few good months ago I tried to change my eating habits to include more meat to give myself the iron I'm in desperate need of, but it didn't last long. I'm not a big meat eater, and you feel so heavy after eating meat. Now I'm eating a lot more fruit and vegetables, and a little piece of white fish occasionally, and I feel so light, and the color has returned to my face again. I look at myself in the mirror and for a split second ask myself when did I paint my lips with rouge, I'm not the type who puts on make up, I hate it. And then a split second later I realize it's my blood that is coloring my face, and since the blood is richer now, my very pale face is no longer that pale. It's a good sign.
So while still cautious, I think I'm slowly going back to life, and so is everyone around me. I'm very proud of most Israelis that they still wear a mask outside. It shows that they care about others and that they are considerate. I am really proud of them.

Friday, May 8, 2020

I really recommend reading the writings of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks. He writes a weekly blog about the weekly Torah Portion, and he has beautiful insights. I recommend reading his old blog posts, not just the new ones. Such jems and pearls of wisdom. Try not to miss any of them. They are not short, but they are worth the reading. I haven't read all of them, but I want to. There are many personality types out there. I'm not sure what's his, but regardless of the personality, I really like what he's writing on the Torah.
Israel is starting to open up after a two-months closure, and the world is back to normal. People are out, shops are open, most people are still walking with masks on their faces, but some do not, which I'm not happy with. Unlike most other people, I'm still trying to close myself at home. I think now that everyone is out is more dangerous than before, and people with a conscious should guard themselves even more. I'm still leaving my little apartment only once every few days. A friend of mind asked if she could come over, and I said that I'll be happy to, but not now. I am not afraid of the virus. If I get it, either I won't feel it at all, or would have a flu. But if I get it, I might give it to someone else who would give it to someone else and down the line someone would lost their lives. I don't want to participate in this 'game'.
One of the things that I'll remember from this time of coronavirus is the beautiful minyan that I saw in my neighborhood - people standing in their balconies and praying together, as if they were in a synagogue. It was so special and I heard them from my apartment. Once or twice I went down, stood in an isolated place, and participated in the prayer with them, from my own improvised women section. It was nice because it showed they really cared to stay home and not infect anyone. I saw other groups who didn't care that much, unfortunately, and it made me both sad and angry.
When I go to the supermarket once every few days, I find myself asking people in the street to put on their mask. There is a new "fashion" here of walking with a mask, but placing it over the chin rather than over the nose and mouth. It is so unfair and inconsiderate. Most people are not doing it, but some do, and when I see someone doing it, if I feel that saying something would help, I tell them, without words. Just looking them in the eyes and pointing at my mask, a signal for them asking: where is yours? It helps in some cases.
An another case, someone on the street saw me with the mask, and a second later put on hers. So you also teach by example. I wish a 100% of the people would be considerate, and not just 95% of them. It is basic. The angel of death is still dancing in the streets, and we have to guard ourselves and each other. I don't like being a disciplinarian, but in days like this, you must be. Down the line it would save someone's lives and health.
I have a feeling that the world hasn't learned much from the pandemic, not for the long-term, anyway. People keep shopping and buying more than they need, as before. Once the airlines will resume activity, people will keep flying too often, escaping from the meaning of their lives. When I pray about the situation, I first pray that people will repent, and then that the pandemic will be over. It seems like it is over, thank G-d, but repentance, if it happens, is not mainstream.
It is a hot day today, it feels like summer is just around the corner. I like all seasons, I love winter, spring, and especially the fall. But summer - I like less. It gets too hot, and you have to protect yourself from the scorching sun. Gladly, in Jerusalem the weather is dry, so there is not the extra burden that comes with high humidity.
During the times of Coronavirus I started learning French. I still don't know much, it is very basic, but because it shares many roots and words in common with English, once you know the basics, you can start reading texts pretty quickly. I've always felt that I need to have a basic knowledge of this language and wanted to learn it, but felt that it would be hard without a teacher. I made up my mind to do it once an old lady who speaks only French needed my help, and I couldn't understand a word of what she was saying. At that moment I decided I have to learn it. There is a great smartphone application for learning any language you want in the world, I learned about it from my students, it's called DuoLingo, and it's fun and efficient. Here is an invitation, if you want to check it out, or you can search for it in your Google Play or Store:
https://invite.duolingo.com/BDHTZTB5CWWKSAEXRX5APJL2NQ

Today is the 2nd Passover. What does it mean? When the first holiday of Passover ever was celebrated, there were people who were ritually impure at the time. They didn't want to miss the chance to celebrate so they demanded of Moses and of G-d to have a second chance. And they got a second chance! This is what they said:
"But there were certain men, who were unclean by the dead body of a man, so that they could not keep the passover on that day; and they came before Moses and before Aaron on that day. And those men said unto him: 'We are unclean by the dead body of a man; wherefore are we to be kept back, so as not to bring the offering of the LORD in its appointed season among the children of Israel?'"
And the answer they got was this: "And the LORD spoke unto Moses, saying: 'Speak unto the children of Israel, saying: If any man of you or of your generations shall be unclean by reason of a dead body, or be in a journey afar off, yet he shall keep the passover unto the LORD; in the second month on the fourteenth day at dusk they shall keep it; they shall eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs;they shall leave none of it unto the morning, nor break a bone thereof; according to all the statute of the passover they shall keep it."
They got their second chance, and it is today, exactly one month after the original Passover we celebrated this year. So I ate some Matzah (which I love!) and this Shabbat I will do the blessing over the bread with Matzahs instead of real bread. But these Matzahs are not exactly like the real passover matzahs. They are Kosher, just not Kosher for Passover. They look the same and taste almost the same, but they are considered leavened bread, whereas real Matzah is considered unleavened bread. Anyway, I like both types a lot. The message of this second passover is to tell people that you have a second chance - in many areas of life, even if we blew up our first chance, there is a second chance. We must only be aware of it and claim our right for a second chance. Sometimes it is easier said than done.

Wishing you Shabbat Shalom,
R.


Monday, April 27, 2020

I started writing a few times, even published it, and then reverted it back into draft again. I thought the things that I wrote were too personal and emotional. There are so many things I want to write, but again, they are so personal and I cannot write them here.

For many people, this time of Corona is too difficult and painful. People are sinking into abysses of hopelessness and dark moods. Mostly older people, but also young ones. I'm not sure why, but I think it happens to people who have not built an inner pillar, an inner realm, an inner world, during the years. I remember times in my distant past that I felt like this - but it was because I didn't have enough inner resources to support myself mentally, emotionally, psychologically. Gladly, Thank G-d, Baruch HaShem, I can say that I have a very solid, stable inner world, and it is that world that sustains and supports me in such times. From the time that hardships started hitting the shores of my life, when I was a little girl of 9 years or less, I've been busy trying to find out how I can live and survive in this harsh, cruel world, and to do that - I wasn't only looking out for help (I soon learned that outside help is unreliable and often does more harm than good), I was feverishly looking inside myself and upwards to G-d for help. It wasn't easy. I had no guidance in doing this and I didn't know anyone else who was doing this. For years I was walking in this world with a big knot inside my stomach, an unfathomable lump of pain, fear, shame. The world seemed so dark, threatening and so hopeless. It took years of relentless inner work on myself to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling and why, to broaden my awareness and my consciousness, to heighten my spirituality, in order to start living. I've been living without this emotional lump in my stomach for many years now, and it has helped me survive more than what many people have to endure. So now, in the days of Corona, I do not feel any particular hardship. I lock myself at home as much as I can - not because I'm afraid to get infected with the virus. If I get it - I'll have a flue and recover. I do it because I do not want to be a contaminating agent, making other people get the virus, and then who knows, G-d forbid, someone may lose their life down the line. It used to be hard for me to stay home all day, but now in the times of Corona, when there is no other choice, I find myself staying at home without leaving the apartment for 4-5 days in a row each time, going out only to throw the garbage or to buy food and my mood is stable and healthy. I'm not the kind of person who gets lonely or bored. Give me a few good books, good food and good music - and you can send me for a year or two to an isolated cabin in the woods somewhere in the other side of the world, and I'll be happy. I have my thoughts, my dreams, my spiritual insights, my relationship to G-d, and this is all I need to survive. And I think that I'm doing better than most people I know. Whenever I talk with friends, I hear them in despair. It is so different than how I feel. I feel a bit uncomfortable to say that I'm doing great, actually.
Don't get me wrong - the death of precious people is painful. I will always remember the name of the first person who died of Corona in Israel, a holocaust survivor. For a day after he died I was mourning, I was so sad, I thought that we will manage to go through this without dead people. But I got over it, and now, unfortunately we have around 200 dead people. It is sad, but - people would have died without the Corona in car accidents anyway, so at least those deaths are spared from us.
So, I'm enjoying quiet, peaceful days in my little "cabin", enjoying the beauty all around, the sun, the trees, the chirping of the birds, some music, some books, some food, some thoughts and insights. And I'm busy at work, from home. So no complaints. But from all of this I realize that through all the suffering I had to endure in my life, at least something good emerged - I have built an inner realm, which is rich, strong, stable and enjoyable, and I enjoy being me, I enjoy being, just being.

I do get nostalgic quite often, finding myself awashed with feelings, emotions and longings - but I do not fight it. I let it flow and wash over me, clinging to precious, precious memories that will never fade and that will always sustain me. I experience it, I let my emotions hit me, and when this wave of nostalgia subsides, I move on to doing my things, to studying, working, being in touch with myself, and with other people. A quote attributed to a famous rabbi, the Ba'al Shem Tov, is: "Wherever your thoughts are - there you are". It is so true.

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Corona

So the CoronaVirus is almost everywhere. People are panicking, shopping in the supermarkets for food and toilet paper that should last them for years. I went to see it with my own eyes: half of the shelves on the supermarkets were empty, and really, there was no toilet paper left. And yet, the atmosphere is light and funny. So many jokes running around everywhere. I had a beautiful, restful Shabbat, and planned to do some work when it was over - but... when I opened my phone at the end of Shabbat there was such a bombardment of messages - news, spiritual religious messages, and jokes. It draws you in. So one hour or so was spent on this. And then our Prime Minister had a talk to the nation, declaring that not only schools and universities, but also kindergartens, cafe's and restaurants are going to be closed. All gatherings should be up to 10 people (a Minyan) and no more. People are encouraged not to leave the house, unless they really have to. Until when? Nobody knows. Am I the only one who is not stocking up food? I didn't buy anything...
It is so obvious that this pandemic harbors a resounding message from G-d. Perhaps even more than one. Our job is to try to understand the message to the best of our ability. To do so, we have to look at what is happening to us because of this tiny, invisible virus that attacks the world:

1. Our luxurious way of life is over for now - no more 10 flights a year, no more careless spending of money in restaurants, no more escapism with different kinds of entertainment.

2. Thanks to what's written in 1 above, the air gets cleaner: people are not flying as much, cars are driving much less than before - the air gets cleaned, and the hole in the ozone may be affected favorably, and if not - then at least it would stop growing. Our destruction of our planet is diminishing for now. Not that it would help in the long run, though - as soon as the virus is gone, people will resume their decadent way of life.

3. Thanks to 1 again, people have less venues for escapism, and they have to stay at home as much as possible - which means a chance to meet themselves sincerely and honestly for the first time, for most people. Yes, they will continue escaping through Netflix and the social medias, but perhaps when they have enough of it, they will have some periods of rest, and inevitably - also of reflection.

4. Many people suffer huge economic repercussions. They are either fired from their jobs, or work much less. Think of all the pilots who used to work a lot and make so much money. Now, supermarket workers are in much greater demand than them. It means that the idols of gold and silver are collapsing, at least temporarily, and people have to find something else to put their trust on. Who and what can they trust? I am SURE that most people in this situation raise their eyes up to G-d, searching and seeking Him for the first time in a long long time. This, I believe, is of course the main purpose of this pandemic. The purpose is to shake the world and cause it to turn to G-d. Will all of us do that? And for those of us who do it now - will this new reliance upon G-d be long lasting even after the pandemic is over? I believe that many will return to their idols of gold and silver as soon as this crisis is over, and it makes me sad. When I pray about the situation, I pray that people would repent and return to G-d, because - I believe - this is what He is aiming for with this pandemic.

5. When people are prevented from being next to each other, there is less gossip and less evil tongue. People are preoccupied with this new world crisis, and have less energy, time and opportunities to denigrate other people behind their backs or disclose their secrets. Perhaps this, too, is one purpose of this pandemic? In the Torah, the punishment for the evil tongue is staying away in confinement for 7 or 14 days, away from the community. So yes, of course the gossip can continue on the social networks or on the phone, but people are so preoccupied with the new situation, that the chances are much smaller that they would engage in evil tongue.

6. The name of the virus, Corona... In Italian, it means "crown", perhaps suggesting that the KING is behind it.


When I first grasped the dimensions of this pandemic, and heard our prime minister's speech on this topic, I felt like that's it, the end of the world is here. I had zero fear, just a sense that OK, so the end is near - what meaning and purpose does what I'm doing NOW have? Am I spending my precious seconds the right way? Am I doing what G-d expects me to do? It was such a sobering feeling, and I try to remember it, so as not to lose its effectiveness. What really matters is one's connection to G-d and the fulfillment of His will from us. Are we engaged in that or are we escaping to entertainment and wasting our lives away? Are we sorry for past mistakes we made, or do we not care about them? Are we thankful to G-d and acknowledge that He is behind EVERYTHING that happens to us, or do we attribute our successes to ourselves and our security to our physical possessions? Some food for thought to all of us.
In such moments, everything receives new proportions: the value of material possessions goes down (some of the jokes running around are from people offering to sell their cars in return for some toilet paper, etc.). What people think or say about us has less importance, and we keep asking ourselves - what is going on here. What does G-d try to tell us?

Last week, as I was doing my morning walk and listening to a class of Bible studies on my smartphone, an interesting verse caught my attention. It was a class from over a year ago, about Isaiah 26. Verses 20-21 say the following: "Go, my people, enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you; hide yourselves for a little while until his wrath has passed by. See, the LORD is coming out of his dwelling to punish the people of the earth for their sins. The earth will disclose the blood shed on it; the earth will conceal its slain no longer."
At that moment it felt like a precise message from G-d.

Let's hope humanity learns what it has to learn.







Friday, March 13, 2020

Today is my Hebrew birthday, the 17th of the month of Adar. When I was born it was a year in which we had two months of Adar, and I was born on the second Adar. But most years we have only one Adar, and this year we only have one, so in a way it's not a 'real' birthday to me.
We're living what seems to be like epocalyptic times. Like the world is going to end soon. Here, as usual, lots of jokes are said about our new situation and sent from one person to the next and in WhatsApp groups. It's funny. I pray that no one should die from it, and I'm trying to stay away from elderly people. I have a lot to say about it, but Shabbat is going to be here within an hour, and I'm not yet ready. I'll try to write again tomorrow, but no promises.

Shabbat Shalom!

Sunday, February 23, 2020

EASTward 2

And now a group of tourists from Korea, who were touring Israel, were found to have the Corona Virus. And people are panicking here, that perhaps they stayed at places where that group stayed, and what if an epidemic breaks here, etc. So now - tourists from both Korea and Japan are not allowed into Israel. Very ironic, just when El Al was about to start its direct flights to Tokyo. What does it all mean? I'm not sure anybody knows, but for sure it has a purpose, it's not just random noise in the chronicles of the world in this era. The whole world is panicking.
Not that I have any intentions to travel, but if I did have, it kind of takes the fun out of it - even though I'm truly not afraid. Even if I were to get the virus, I don't think I would have died of it.
The fear, I think, is related to spreading the virus wherever you go. You don't want to do that. So even if you do not die of it, if you pass it on to others, they might die, and you don't want to be responsible for their death.
I have thoughts about this, but they are not very clear yet. It seems like humanity has a joint enemy - a little virus, and they have to work together to overcome it. As our Bibi said today: one virus for two nations. If our neighbors in Gaza do not take the necessary precautions, we may get it from them. And vice versa, of course. Humans are humans.

And, soon we are going for elections for the THIRD time in a few months. Really, really unbelievable. All this money could go to buying expensive medications for children who need them. We throw this money on elections again and again. So crazy. I'm going to vote the same, and most other people would probably do the same, so I don't know how they're going to be able to build a government. Insane.

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

EASTwards

My mind has been in the east recently, for good and bad reasons. We'll start with the good.
In the little company that I work, we have an Israeli programmer. Before him, we had a programmer from India, who was very sweet, but not so skillful. And before him, we had a programmer from Ramallah, who was the first who built our system. I like all three of them personally, but with the guy from India, who we had to replace 2 years or so ago, I had a closer relationship than with the other two, and we stayed in touch even though we fired him (I was the one who pushed to fire him, I had to, I really had no choice. He wasn't fit for what we needed. I was sad to do it, but I had no choice. He knows it, and he holds no grudge - I tried to help him find another job ever since, sending him many links, ads, places online where he can find jobs, etc. He knew I was for him, not against him, but he was just not the right person for us). So anyway, we stayed in touch, and he often asked me about Israel, and since I often said Baruch HaShem and other expressions, he asked me about G-d as well.
About 10 months or so ago, we talked on Skype (it's always him asking to talk), and he cried that he and his wife do not have children. They had been married for 6 years at that point, but no children. I told him he should pray, I sent him the book of Psalms in his language with an online link, and promised that I would pray for him and his beautiful wife. And I did.
For the past two months he was trying to constantly contact me and ask me to talk on Skype, but I was very busy, and I do not have patience for aimless talking, so I tried to postpone it as much as I could. And then a few days ago I said OK, we can talk. He put on his camera on Skype, and the first thing I saw was that behind him there was a wall painted with lilach colors, and big pictures of babies were posted all over the walls. I asked him why he had pictures of babies everywhere. He said that he and his wife were expecting. She is 7 months pregnant and the baby is due very soon.
You can imagine my reaction. I had chills all over. I've been praying for them, even though I felt their chances were slim, after 6 years with no children. I prayed in Jerusalem, And 2-3 months later, she conceived. He looked so happy, and I was so happy to hear it. It made my day, my week! It was such a wonderful news! I was overwhelmed with joy. And of course, he started asking me more about Jerusalem, Judaism, Israel, G-d. And I answered. I really hope that this will have an effect on him and his wife. He talked with a friend of him after that, and that friend told him about Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, the Exodus from Egypt. I was really impressed. Baruch HaShem.
I know it is too much to expect that he will abandon the idols he grew up worshiping, but I hope it is one big push in this direction. He does not have to be Jewish, but abandoning the idols and believing in G-d is a good path for everyone to follow. No idols of any kind. Just G-d. There are already communities around the world of Noahide people - people who abandoned their religions to believe in the ONE G-d with no helpers and idols. They are called Bnei Noah (Children of Noah), and they support the nation of Israel and pray for us, and study Torah, but they do not have to be Jewish or fulfill all of our commandments. They have only 7 commandments to fulfill. I hope he will become a Noahide soon and influence all the idol worshipers around him in India to be that also.

My mind is in the east also because of the crazy thing that's been going on - the Corona Virus. They say that it happened because the Chinese were eating... bats... bats!!! Yuck! And they say that they ate the bats without killing them first, just cooked them live and ate them. This is against the 7 laws of the Children of Noah (Noahides). The world does not have to eat Kosher, but the world must not eat animals with their blood, or drink their blood, or eat a limb of a living animal. This is so cruel and is simply morally forbidden. The corona virus is probably a result of this, just like AIDS came to the world for another transgression, to tell people to change their ways, to correct their paths. I don't know if anyone listens.
We had a nice prayer at the KOTEL (the Western Wall) for the People of China to be quickly healed from the Corona, that this epidemic will stop. I hope it helps, but we can only pray - it is G-d's decision which prayer to fulfill.

And to end it with something good - I got some good news about the professional thing I was talking about in one of my previous posts here. Still not sure I want to share it here, perhaps I'm not yet ready to do it but will do it soon. I was so happy when I got the news. It was such a sweet present from above. I don't know what it would lead to, if anything at all, but even if it doesn't lead anywhere, I'm still happy and content with what it is at the moment. Perhaps I'll write about it here soon. We'll see.

Have a good rest-of-the-week!
R.

Monday, February 3, 2020

Touching space

I heard something nice about these weekly Torah Portions we read now from the book of Exodus. I heard it several times from several different sources. Pharaoh refuses all the requests by Moshe and Aharon to let their people go. But this refusal is gradual. At first, Pharaoh hardens his own heart. After a few times, it is G-d who hardens Pharaoh's heart. The moral lesson: when you do something for the first time, at first your freedom to choose is great. You can choose either way. But once you made a decision, the next time you have to make a decision you will have less degrees of freedom in your choice. Think of a person who starts drinking alcohol or coffee for the first time. They can easily resist the drink. But once they chose to drink, it would be easier for them to choose to drink again next time, and harder to choose to abstain. On the third time, it is going to be even harder, etc. It's the same with people who tend to lie. After they lied a few times, it becomes almost automatic for them to lie in the future as well. It is harder for them to stop for a moment and monitor themselves and correct their moral choices. There's a lot of depth in this idea. I think we can all find areas in life in which the more we choose to do something, the less degrees of freedom we have to choose differently the next time. The good news is that it works the other way as well: if you choose to do good, the next time it will be easier for you to choose to do good, and the third time it's going to be even easier, etc. So in a way, your choices shape who you are. You are constantly changing and being shaped, and your choices are your scalpel. At the end of your life, the soul that you will return to the Creator will be shaped by the choices that you made in your life. It will be clean or dirty according to the small and big choices that you made in your life. Choose well.

Something else:

Last week I had a nice little adventure. I was invited to be the translator of a real NASA astronaut who came to Israel and gave two lectures to Israeli youth in Tel Aviv. It wasn't a paid job. The organization that invited him to speak asked me if I could translate him, and I agreed.
The translation was done live, in the form of subtitles (this was not the big professional thing that I was talking about last time, of course).
I've translated films and TV series in the past, but never LIVE, never in real time. I always did it offline, and it took a long time. A 90-minute movie can take 8 hours to translate properly, including re-watching and proof-reading, etc. Here, they asked me to translate him live, in front of the whole audience, and he comes from the field of space engineering, what do I know about this, with all the different technical terms, etc. I was afraid, but since it was on a day that I was free, I decided to respond to the challenge and enjoy the experience.
Before the event began, I met the astronaut and his wife, and asked him to speak s-l-o-w-l-y. Of course, when he began speaking on the stage, he spoke faster than any normal person I know, and threw in the air dozens of professional, technical terms from space-engineering. I was sitting in a little console above the audience, so no body saw me, not even him, so I couldn't even signal to him to slow down.
I stayed calm, and told myself that I can only do what I can do, nothing more than this, and what I can do is enough. I think I managed to translate the gist of the things that he said to the children, and especially the moral lessons: he told them to never give up, that everyone has bad days, that he had bad days with lots of failures, but the important thing is to stand back up again and move forward. He encouraged them to follow their dreams and work hard for them. He talked about the importance of space research, etc.
Then there was a break, and after the break there was his second lecture. I was prepared for another crazy race. But - I was surprised. He spoke really s-l-o-w-l-y. He looked at the subtitles panel above the powerpoint screen, and it seemed like he was waiting for me to finish typing before he said anything new. That was so much better and easier. Wow. I managed to translate almost everything he said in that second lecture.
At the end, when everything was over, I saw him outside the hall. He saw me, and told me right away, "The second time was better, right? I tried to slow down a bit". Yes, it was much better. I guess someone from the staff told him he must slow down.
Looking at him, I thought to myself that here is a cultural hero, perhaps even a national hero in America, but how do I evaluate him? The first question I ask myself about people, and also about him is - is he an "Ish Ruach", a person of the spiritual realm? Does he think about G-d and the meaning of life, or does he only try to get everything possible from this world, materially? I have no idea. He was born in Atlanta, Georgia, a part of the "Bible Belt", so perhaps he got some religious education, but he didn't impress me as an especially spiritual person. And so, he lost some points in my evaluation. He is a person of this world, busy with technology and science. Perhaps he lives in the upper realms of the universe - in the international space station, but he does not live in the upper realms of reality, of the soul. My true appreciation and admiration is reserved for people who are people of spirit, of G-d.
I appreciate every person, because everyone was created in the image of G-d, but I mostly appreciate good people, angel-like people, those who live their lives for G-d. And they are rare, they are very and few. I can't admire people only because they've been up in space. To me they are like technicians, like engineers. I admire people who have had tremendous spiritual and moral achievements, like gentiles who saved Jews in WWII, or people who live their lives in faith, for G-d, contemplating the meaning of life and trying to do the right thing in the eyes of G-d. Scientists are impressive in their knowledge and intellect, but not necessarily with their wisdom and heart. They are people of this world. It is rare to find among them people of spirit, of wisdom, of deep thought. One person I can think of who is both a scientist and a person of faith and deep thought is Nobel Prize winner, Prof. Israel (Robert) Aumann, a mathematician, and a national religious Jew. This is such a noble combination: faith and science in the same person.
People admire so many "stars" and celebrities, and I can't understand it. Those stars are just human beings, and most often they are just simple people. I do not have TV, and once in a while there is a storm in the media about a certain celebrity that I've never heard of. I look at that celebrity and I see a simple person, with a normal personality, nothing too deep or wise. And I feel sorry for our secular culture, that it can sometimes be superficial and make stars of people who have nothing special to say to the world, to change people's lives or bring them close to the One who created them.
Anyway, these are just my thoughts.
Meaning is a huge word in my lexicon, and it's strange for me when people don't think about it much, that for them this is "heavy". Their lives seem so empty in my mind. They waste their lives having fun, not thinking what they can do here in this world, not thinking what they can give others, what they can give the world. They live for their own 'fun', and that's it, and I feel like they waste their lives.
We all came here to the world with a mission, and it is our job to try to find what our mission is and to work at it, to do everything we can to fulfill the mission. For some it can be to become an astronaut and inspire kids to follow their wishes, and for others it may be to perform acts of kindness to the best of their abilities, and for others it can be something else. But each of us came here with a mission, perhaps more than just one mission, and we must try our best to fulfill it.

Ok, enough for today.
Thank you for reading!
R.