Wednesday last week I learned a lesson, one that I had already known, but it was a good reminder. I was waiting for a bus, in a bus stop that had many buses going to where I wanted to go. Normally, it takes about 5 minutes for a bus to arrive there, but this time - none came, and for a long time. I was about to lose my patience, but reminded myself that EVERYTHING is under Hashem's watchful eye, it is all His doing. When the bus came, I then had to get off at another bus stop and wait for another bus. This time, too, I was waiting and waiting, but the bus didn't come. I started wondering, what was the lesson, what was the message, what was the purpose of this waiting, but then again reminded myself that there was a divine reason for everything. And then, as I was still waiting (it was near Hadassah Mt. Scopus hospital), I suddenly heard shouting: "Open it! Open it! She's giving birth!!!!". It was a young religious (dati-leumi) man in an old car. He stopped his car right in front of the electric barrier at the entrance to the hospital and shouted to the guard to open the barrier, because his wife was giving birth at that moment... The guard opened the barrier. The car drove to the area just in front of the entrance to the delivery unit of the hospital. The young man rushed out of the car and summoned the nurses. A whole entourage of nurses and doctors came out, then some went in again, brought out a hospital bed and a tiny carrier for the baby. They opened the back doors of the car and stood there for a few minutes, bending down, their heads inside the car. My bus came, but needless to say, I skipped it. I didn't want to miss this incredible show that was taking place in front of my eyes. It was the first time ever that I was witness to something like this, to a baby being born to the world - and in a car!! After 5 or 10 minutes the tiny carrier was taken into the hospital and a few minutes later, they helped the young mother out and put her on the hospital bed, which was also shuffled into the hospital. The whole time I tried to conceal myself, so they won't feel that their privacy was intruded. Silently, I cried of excitement. It was such an incredible sight to see! I thanked God for bringing this life into the world and for allowing me to witness it. And then I realized why I had to wait for so long in both bus stops. If not for those lengthy delays, I would have missed this incredible experience! Even now I have tears in my eyes as I recall this. Baruch Hashem.
I was tested with the same test today. Today was Shushan Purim (Purim in Jerusalem). I finished performing some of the commandments of Purim in the commercial center of Paran st., which is the main street in my neighborhood, and was waiting at a bus stop to take me to a nearby neighborhood (FH) to the Ashkenazi synagogue that was open the whole day. I just felt like I wanted some alone time with Hashem, and not in my apartment, but in a place of worship, and it was perfect. There were only 2-3 people there at the time I was there, and the women's section was empty. Perfect. I prayed there, read a booklet by the Ramchal (Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato) about trust and faith in God and even... fell asleep for a while. It was so peaceful and I felt recharged. The only thing I was missing was a hot cup of herbal tea, but since I'm not a regular goer of that shul and no body knows me there, I didn't feel comfortable going down and asking for one...
Anyway, back to the bus stop in which I had been waiting to take me to that neighborhood and to that specific shul. As I was approaching the bus stop, my bus passed and went away. I missed it. I started waiting, having no clue that it was going to take a loooong time, much much longer than the normal 7-8 minutes on average that I normally wait. I think it was around 40 minutes or more and there was no digital board there to tell me when the bus was coming. And again, I was wondering... why the wait? And again reminded myself that everything that happens is for a divine reason. And then, slowly and gradually, I got the answers:
1) As I was waiting, I was witness to an incredible flow of people walking on that central street, dressed up in funny costumes of Purim. Many of them adults, some children. It was so funny, and it brought joy to my heart. I told myself - see? God wants you to enjoy this, to have the festive atmosphere of Purim. Not many streets offer such a parade of dressed up adults, this is one of the few, and I had a good time watching and enjoying it. Purim.
2) One of the commandments of Purim is to give food gifts to poor people. However, there are not that many poor people around nowadays, Baruch Hashem... I was looking for one specific beggar who normally stands on that street on Friday mornings, but she wasn't there. So I gave some charity money to Chabad, just to fulfill the Mitzvah (commandment), so that they would give it to the needy. But I felt disappointment for not giving actual food gifts to a poor person. As I was waiting at the bus stop, maybe 15 minutes later, a poor man, a beggar, who is a drug addict, came to the bus stop with his hand stretched out. I told him that I wouldn't give him money (I didn't want him to use if for drugs), but was there anything I could get him to eat? He thought for a moment, and then asked for a croissant. I asked him what type and he said Chocolate croissant. So I went back to the commercial center. Most shops were closed, because it was Purim, but gladly, one that sells croissants and other pastries was open. I bought him a big chocolate croissant and was so happy - I fulfilled the Mitzvah of giving food to the poor. Even though it wasn't essential food and even though he wasn't a classical poor, still... It was another reason why it was worth waiting so long at the bus stop, to be able to do that!
3) And after the episode with the poor person, I still waited... and the bus was not coming, and I wondered - what is it, what else? OK, I've enjoyed the Purim costumes and the joyful atmosphere and even got the merit to give food to a poor person, but now what Why is the bus not coming and I'm still waiting? And then, as I was looking around, my gaze suddenly focused on something small on the sidewalk. A green Rav-Kav bus card... somebody lost it and I could return it to them, perhaps. But wait a minute, could it be mine? I fumbled in my pocket, and realized mine was no longer there... I bent down to pick the card - and sure enough, it was mine... Had the bus arrived even one moment earlier, I would have boarded it, only to realize too late that my pay card was gone, then i'd have had to go back to the bus stop, and wait again, and who knows if I would have found my card, it was so hard to see...! It was worth the wait just to have my pay card back and avoid the dismay at finding out too late that I had lost it somewhere... Thank you, Hashem! A couple of minutes later, the bus arrived.
On the bus, there was a young couple with a baby, and the wife was sour-faced, annoyed and impatient, and I felt sorry for her husband. I don't know how, but we started talking, and I think that some of the things I told her helped. When she got off the bus, she greeted me with a warm smile. It was nice.
And then I arrived into that synagogue and enjoyed some quiet, peaceful, personal time with Hashem. What a blessing!
As I'm thinking of this, I know it sounds incredible, but I also know that things much more incredible than this happen to all people all the time, but - most people don't see the divine fingerprints in it, they don't see the pattern. Someone else would have experienced this story completely differently, being annoyed at the bus company for not sending out more buses, at the bus driver for being so extremely late, at themselves for almost losing their pay card, at the beggar who bothered them, at the sour faced lady in the bus, etc. They would have seen nothing of how Hashem weaved this for them with graceful love. And so they normally miss the divine magic in their lives. They don't see God's loving grace.
One last thought - as I was going back to my neighborhood after the synagogue, I saw the sun in the sky, shining through the clouds and producing what someone once termed "Rembrandt's light rays". It was so soothing for my soul. I then thought that it may be a symbol of God shining His love on us, but it may also be a different symbol. One can make an effort and imagine that the rays of light come from the earth and pierce the heavens (as happens in lightnings - we think that the lightning we see is top-down, but really most of it is bottom up). I thought that this was what our prayers do - they shine bottom up and reach the skies, and that if someone holds onto prayer and hope so fiercely, then surely, sooner or later, their prayer will pierce the heavens. It has much bigger chances of being accepted.
That's it. I'm waiting for shabbat, another secluded time to be with God and bask in His light and love. My favorite time of the week by far.
I don't write often, and perhaps I should write more, but even when I don't, I'm still here... and now with my cup of herbal tea, and mandoline music playing on YouTube from my PC. Why mandoline? I have no idea. I have had some cravings to hear this kind of music recently.