I woke up very early this morning, at 4:30 am,
to go to the bathroom. Because I have an early morning work meeting over Skype with
someone in New Zealand today, I knew that even if I go back to sleep, I
wouldn’t be able to. My brain would prepare me to be alert for the meeting and
would not let me go back to sleep as in other nights. So I happily gave it up. I
stayed in bed and said the twelve words
every religious Jew says first thing in the morning: I thank you, oh living and
existing King, for having restored my soul into me in your compassion. Your
faithfulness (in me) is great. Trust me, in Hebrew these are twelve words, and
it is known as the Modeh Ani prayer. Before you do anything, before you even go
out of bed – once you woke up and you know you start your day (unlike when you
go back to sleep), you utter these words quietly. And then, because it was so
early and I wasn’t in a rush, I contemplated these words. Basically, what they
imply, is that each and every one of us here on this planet, are here on a
mission. We were SENT here. We were not born here by accident. G-d equipped us
with all the talents and inclinations that we have so that we can do the most
in this life with them to serve Him, and to serve humanity the way He wants us
to serve. And how do I know that? I mean, I’ve known this for a long time just
by observing and contemplating life, but – how did I infer this from these
words? The answer is very clear. This prayer states that G-d is the one who
places the soul in our body, He is the one deciding whether to do it or not
every morning (indeed, every moment) anew. Therefore, it is His desire that we
will be here. And the last words, Your faithfulness (in me) is great, means
that He has confidence in me that I would fulfill my mission. And if I don’t,
if I procrastinate, if I’m lost, He does not lose His patience. He gives me one
more chance, and another, and still another. Every day is a chance to start
anew, to begin something good, to lay down the foundation for building
something GREAT. What is it, what does He want us to do? The answer to that may
lie in our dreams and hopes and wishes for ourselves. What is it that we want
most to accomplish? What is it that we fantasize of doing with our lives? Is it
to write movie scripts? Books? Is it to be kind to everyone around us and lift
people up simply with our smile and words? Is it to cook the tastiest,
healthiest food for our loved ones or as a business? Anything that we love
doing and has value to others (and to ourselves) and is in alignment with what
G-d wants of us, is the right answer, and can be a few of them.
Everyone wants to succeed in life, but very few
people stop to think what success is. Is it making money? If so, would you
define mafia people, drug dealers or manufacturers of cigarettes as successful?
To me, they are a failure, because even though they make a lot of money, they
do not serve humanity – they use their time and talents to harm humanity in
order to benefit themselves. I believe the same goes for icecream
manufacturers, and manufacturers of sweetened drinks like cola. Even if they
later use portions of their fortune to benefit society – it does not change the
fact that they made that fortune by contributing to ruining people’s health. I
know someone who died of lung cancer at 40 some. This is not an outcome one
should strive for, to harm people’s health.
So what is success, is it being famous? I think
that people that become famous, let’s say sports stars, music starts, movie
starts, etc., get an amazing platform that can help them influence the world.
For example, in Israel, HaShem made it so that very secular singers and movie
stars and journalists start to become religious. The process that they go
affects their fans, and it makes society a lot more traditional and religious.
So these people use their stardom for a beneficial purpose. But if I think of
other stars, say like Amy Winehouse, a Jewish singer from England, with
Tunisian roots, with an amazing, incredible voice – her flame went up too quickly,
and was extinct too quickly. She was too young to figure out what to do with
her fame, she fell to drugs and alcohol and died at the age of 27 while leaving
beautiful songs, but she didn’t survive to use her stardom for beneficial
purposes, to serve society. This is sad, and I know of people who didn’t use
their stardom all of their lives, even when they lived till old age, to benefit
society, and I think this is a miss. They missed the most important thing. I
think the angst of emptiness that many stars feel once they reach fame comes
from an inner place in their soul that is searching for meaning, and they do
not know how to find it, so they lose their way. They do not look for ways to
serve humanity, and this self-focus kills them. Many of them become suicidal,
many fall to drugs and alcohol. But in reality – they have a great mission in
life, if only they would open their eyes and realize that they were born to
serve.
One could be a cashier at a supermarket, and do
it very gracefully – smiling to the customers, asking about them, making them
feel like they are seen – and this would constitute a great success, even
without making a lot of money and without reaching fame. This would be a life
of meaning, and it may even save a life or two of people who are very lonely
and feel ignored by society.
Each of us, wherever we are positioned in life,
should lead a life of service – of thinking how to benefit others. If we do, we
will be happy, and the world will become a MUCH better place.
So, anyway, these thoughts came to me as I was reciting
the Modeh Ani prayer, and I felt a sudden urge to sit down and write this here.
I know I haven’t written in a long time…
One more happy thing that (I hope) emerged from
today’s early waking is – I decided that I want to try to wake up early every
morning (like 5 am), which means that I’ll start going to bed at around 8 or 9
pm at the latest, to get all the sleep I need. This would be so much healthier –
to synchronize more with the sun, to spend more of the dark hours sleeping and
more of the light hours awake. Also, I want to enjoy the magic of these morning
hours – the special delicate light outside, the quiet all around, the clean
air. I decided that if I have such magical mornings every day, I’ll try to
dedicate 3-4 hours every morning to writing. Perhaps not writing here, but
writing things that are meaningful to me and fulfil my dreams in this respect. It
would make me so happy, because I’ve felt this burning urge to write since I
was a child, and I haven’t done anything about it. I only wrote (in length) in
my journals – detailing my thoughts, emotions, meaningful insights, etc. I
hardly wrote other things for other people to read (except for this blog and
letters to the community when I was a Shlicha in the US many years ago). I want
to use this ability that I have to serve G-d, because He sent me here with this
passion for writing, and I believe He wants me to serve Him and make an impact
in the world through writing. We’ll see how it goes, but I think that having a
morning routine is a must.
One more thought I wanted to share – I have
this beautiful round window in my living room. When I lay down on my sofa just
after I light the Shabbat candles (I light them on that window seal), I look at
the window, and it shows me the sky, and some tree tops. Last Shabbat (Friday
evening), just as I finished lighting the candles and saying a prayer, I was
lying there, looking out that window at the sky, and HaShem orchestrated the
most beautiful show for me to see. First, the sky changed colors, and it was so
magnificent. Beautiful colors of red, pink, orange, gold – all on the
background of the light blue sky and some feathery white clouds. Then there
were countless birds. I’m not familiar with the kinds of birds, but some of
them were crows. They were singing and flying in groups, and landing on the
branches of a big palm tree that I can see from my window. It was just breathtaking
and I was mesmerized, and thankful. It was so artistic, and magnificent, I don’t
have enough words to describe it. I’m looking for next week’s post-candle-lighting
Show. I feel humbled to merit to witness that.
Have a good week, Shavua Tov!
R.